


Through the woods we ran

by Persie



Series: The storm is raging against us now [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety, Child Abuse, Foster Care, Guns, Multi, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7995133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persie/pseuds/Persie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander has had a tough life. From the illness that snatched his mother away from him, to the hurricane that killed his brother to coming to the States as a small nine year old and entering the foster care system in which he faced neglect and abuse at the hands of his carers.</p><p>In the three years he's been in the States he hasn't had the best time. But now that his care had been handed over to the Washingtons, will they give him the support he needs? You bet.</p><p>TAGS WILL BE UPDATED AS THE STORY GOES</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [this is what home feels like](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529824) by [questionableatbest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/questionableatbest/pseuds/questionableatbest). 
  * Inspired by [Rise Up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080439) by [ohNooOOOOoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohNooOOOOoo/pseuds/ohNooOOOOoo). 
  * Inspired by [Something They Can Never Take Away](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6642676) by [a_mind_at_work](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mind_at_work/pseuds/a_mind_at_work). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I know that Alexander's brother didn't actually die in the hurricane, but that's what I went with in this fic-

“Your social worker is on her way,” Alexander’s foster father said as the crossed the school parking lot, his voice sharp as he threw a glare over his shoulder at the preteen behind him. “We do not tolerate fighting in our household.”

Alexander bit back a response. Sure. That’s why they beat the shit out of him and the three other kids that stayed at that house whenever they did the smallest thing wrong. That’s why his foster father would come home drunk and pick fights with the oldest foster kid, Nathanael, for no reason other than the fact that he wanted a fight.

“As soon as we get in, you’re going straight up and packing your things,” Alexander’s foster father continued as they got into the car. “You’re lucky, boy,” his voice was practically a growl. “If you weren’t going-”

“I thought you didn’t tolerate fighting in your household, sir.” Alexander replied. Damn, if he could get away with saying it and not getting punished, he was going to. He wasn’t expecting the slap that met his cheek, but compared to what it would have been if his social worker wasn’t coming to collect him, it was nothing.

The car ride back to his foster family’s home was silent. His jaw throbbed from the punch that the other boy threw earlier, but his cheek had stopped stinging. The pain didn’t really bother Alexander; he’d had much worse at the hands of the people who were supposed to look after him. Like when his current foster father pushed him down the stairs and he broke his arm.

Alexander contemplated slamming the car door when he got out, but decided not to push his luck. He simply shut the car door and followed his foster father into the house, heading upstairs and into the room he shared with Nathanael. He was halfway through throwing his things into a trash bag when he heard the knock at the door.

He hurried up, emptying the two drawers he had of clothes and the notebooks that he kept stashed under his bed and then swung the trash bag over his shoulder, making his way downstairs into the kitchen. He pretended that he didn’t see the look of disappointment on Kitty’s face before she realized he was in the room and she quickly put on a smile.

“Are you ready Alexander?” She asked and he nodded, feeling shame bubbling inside of him. He never wanted to disappoint Kitty. With the exception of his mother and brother, Kitty was the only one who believed in him and the last thing he wanted her to do was be disappointed. Especially in him.

He forced himself not to flinch as she placed a hand on his back to lead him out of the house. He placed his things in the trunk and got in the car, sitting in the back.

“Are you not sitting in the front, Alexander?” Kitty asked as she got in, turning to face him. He shook his head, buckling up. “You know I’m not mad at you, right?”

Alexander held back a laugh. Of course she was mad at him. Everyone was mad at him; the principal, the teachers that split up the fight (the one that pulled Alexander away shouted at him for a good five minutes), his old foster family and Kitty was too, even if she wouldn’t admit it. Not only was she mad, but she was disappointed. He’d seen the look on her face.

“Alexander,” She said, eyebrows raised, and he pulled his gaze from his lap to her face. “How’s your jaw? It looks sore.”

“It’s fine.” Alexander shrugged. It wasn’t hurting enough to bother him but apparently, unsatisfied with his answer, Kitty pulled an ice pack from her lunchbox she had resting on the seat beside her and held it out to him. “Thanks.”

“Do you want to go get some lunch before I drive you to the Washington’s?” Kitty asked, buckling up. “Lunch would just be starting for you, wouldn’t it?”

“Don’t mind. Not really hungry.” Alexander shrugged again, leaning his head back on the headrest and closing his eyes. It didn’t make any difference to him whether they ate or not before going. If they did, they would just be delaying the inevitable; meeting his foster parents. ‘The Washingtons’ according to Kitty.

“I have time, so we’ll stop off somewhere,” Kitty began to drive. “Anywhere you want to eat in particular?”

“No.”

He heard Kitty sigh, but she didn’t say anything. He kept his eyes closed until he felt the car stop and heard Kitty start to unbuckle.

Getting out of the car, he saw that they had stopped at a small coffee shop. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he followed Kitty across the parking lot.

“You said you weren’t very hungry, so I thought this would be nice,” Kitty explained. “You can get a drink and a slice of cake.”

He ended up with hot chocolate and a brownie whilst Kitty had a caramel latte and carrot cake. They sat in more silence before Kitty spoke.

“What was this fight about?” She said and Alexander swallowed a mouthful of hot chocolate before responding.

“He called me a whore’s son,” Alexander answered. “My mom was not a whore,” he tightened his grip on the cup of hot chocolate. “I couldn’t just let him get away with saying it so I punched him.”

He heard someone snort from another table, and turned around to look behind him where a middle-aged man was sat who was obviously listening to their conversation.

Kitty cleared her throat, finishing her carrot cake. She grabbed her latte and motioned for Alexander to stand too. He wrapped his brownie in one of the napkins and shoved in in his pocket, grabbing his hot chocolate.

“We’ll continue this conversation in the car,” she said, sending a pointed glare to the man. “Because some people can’t mind their own business.”

Alexander followed her back across the parking lot, sliding back into the back seat. Kitty got in the front, and for a couple of seconds, looked as if she was to question him about sitting in the front again, but decided against it.

“Alexander,” she said after buckling herself in. “Do you know what you want to do after school?”

“No.” Alexander hadn’t paid much thought to his future. He knew that foster kids never really amounted to anything - the bullies at school and his foster parents liked to tell him that.

“Well, do you think you’re going to get a job anywhere if you have a criminal record?”

“No.”

“What do you think is going to happen if you keep punching people, Alex?”

“Alexander,” he corrected. The only people who called him Alex were his family, and they had either disappeared or died, so practically no one. He knew what Kitty was getting at, but decided to play dumb. “And I don’t know. I’ll bruise my knuckles a lot?”

Kitty sighed. “No, Alexander, you’ll get a criminal record,” she turned around to face him. “You’re only a kid-”

“I’m not a kid.”

“You’re twelve,” Kitty shot back. “Anyway, you’re only young. You have time to change, so use it. You’re the smartest person I know, Alexander. Use your words instead of your fists.”

Alexander slid down a little in his seat. That’s what his mom always told him back on Nevis. He was only around five when he got into his first fight and it snowballed from there. Every time, his mom would tell him to use his words, but he never did. Hearing Kitty saying it reminded him, and shame rose up in him. Would his mom be proud of him right now? Probably not.

“Okay.” He managed to choke out past the lump in his throat, blinking back tears.

Kitty seemed satisfied now, and took a sip of her latte before beginning to drive again. They both fell silent. That’s how Alexander knew how disappointed Kitty was in him; she was never quiet. She was always trying to engage him in some sort of conversation about school or his foster families. But they sat in silence until Kitty parked in the driveway of a massive house.

Alexander scrambled out of the car, gazing up at the house in front of him. It was absolutely massive. White walls with pale blue shutters, hanging baskets on the porch and window boxes with flowers all along the ground floor. The front lawn was immaculately kept. It was so different from his other placements and although he was impressed by it, there was a feeling of uneasiness too.

“How many other kids?” He turned to Kitty who was getting his things from the trunk, a small smile on her face.

“It’s just you,” she said, handing him the trashbag. “And a couple of dogs.”

Alexander looked up just in time to see a dog barrelling towards them, skidding to a stop just in front of Kitty who immediately crouched down and started stroking it.

“Sweet Lips!” A shout came from the front door and Alexander’s head snapped away from the dog and to the man who was stood there. Alexander was confused at what he was yelling at before the dog turned and bounded back towards the man.

Sweet Lips.

What a name for a dog.

Alexander swung the bag over his shoulder and followed Kitty up the driveway to where the man, Mr Washington Alexander assumed, had now been joined by a woman who was beaming up them as they climbed up the steps to the porch.

“Hello Alexander, Kitty,” she grinned as the came to a stop just outside the door. “Would you both like to come in?”

“We would, thank you, although I can’t stay.” Kitty smiled, stepping inside. Alexander hesitated, but followed after her. “How are you both?”

“I’m good,” Mr Washington closed the door, beckoning them down a hallway and into a large room Alexander assumed was the living room. “Things have been a little hectic at work recently, but I’ve managed.”

“Yeah, by coming home and ranting for hours about the people at the office,” Mrs Washington laughed. “How have you been, Kitty?”

“I’ve been pretty good too,” Kitty nodded, holding up a file. “This is Alexander’s file. I have to get going so I can’t go through it with you right now, but if you have any questions just call me. You both have my number, right?”

Mr Washington took the file from her hands, and Alexander gripped the trash bag tightly. He hated the lack of privacy he had when it came to his past. If it was up to him, no one would know about it. He didn’t like talking about it, or people knowing about it - they tended to treat him like a wounded animal once they had been told, and he hated it because he didn’t need their, or anyone’s, pity.

“We do,” Mr Washington nodded. “I’ll see you out.”

Alexander gave Kitty an awkward wave and she returned it, telling him to behave as she left, Mr Washington following her.

“What do you go by?” Mrs Washington asked softly after a moment of silence. Alexander frowned, unsure of what she meant. “I mean name wise,” she explained. “Alex? Al?”

“Oh. Um, it’s just Alexander.” He shrugged, avoiding eye contact by staring at the floor, tracing the patterns on the carpet with his foot.

“Well, Just Alexander, would you like to see your room?” Mr Washington grinned as he re entered the room.

Alexander was pretty sure the groan that came from Mrs Washington’s mouth was the loudest he’d ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College has just started and I'm doing my A levels this year, so I don't know how regular the updates for this will be, but I will try my best to get them out as soon as possible.


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I don't want to sleep and I had nothing to do so...

Alexander followed Mr Washington silently up the grand staircase, gripping the trash bag tightly. He felt out of place here - in the other houses there was always at least one foster child with hardly anything, but here, he was the only one. The couple had more than enough.

“It’s a little bare, sorry about that. Martha and I will take you shopping for things once you’ve unpacked if that’s alright,” Mr Washington said. “And if you don’t like this room, we have plenty other rooms you can choose from.” he stopped at the top of the stairs, waiting for Alexander to catch up.

When Alexander reached the top, he led him down a hallway and pushed open a door, nodding his head for Alexander to enter.

The first thing that he noticed was the size. The room, like all the other rooms in the house, was massive and Alexander was struggling to understand why anyone would need a room this big, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. The walls were white, and bare, with pieces of darkwood furniture pushed up against them; a desk; double bed; chest of drawers; two bookshelves.

“If you don’t like this room, there’s a few others we can look at.” Mr Washington prompted, and Alexander turned around to see the man staring at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Um, no, this room is fine- I mean, more than fine, it’s uh-” Alexander forced himself to stop speaking, taking a moment to compose himself. “I like it, sir.”

“I’m glad,” Mr Washington nodded. “Now, I’m going to leave you and let you unpack. Just come downstairs when you’re ready and we’ll head out to the mall. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

The door closed, and footsteps disappeared down the hall. Alexander dropped his trash bag onto the floor, and began to sort through it.

* * *

Martha took the folder from George before he began to lead Alexander up to his room. Once they had left and she could hear them climbing the stairs, she sat down on the couch and opened the file.

Kitty hadn’t had time to tell them anything on the phone, other than his age, name and the fact that he had been kicked out of his last placement for fighting. She’d sounded desperate when she’d asked them if they would be willing to foster Alexander. They had said yes with no hesitation. Kitty didn’t say it, but it was clear that they were Alexander’s last chance.

But Martha couldn’t bring herself to read it. She’d seen how the boy’s shoulders slumped and grip tightened on his bag when Kitty had handed George the file and she’d realized how little privacy the boy got.

“He’s unpacking now,” Martha looked up to find George in the doorway. “I told him to come down when he’s finished. Did you read it?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I couldn’t. It’s not fair on him, George. We’ll ask him, and if he wants us to read it we will. If he doesn’t then we won’t and he can tell us when he’s ready.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” George nodded, sitting down next to her. “I don’t know how I’d feel if everything that happened to me was written down and passed from person to person so easily.”

They sat in silence, with Martha resting her head on George’s shoulder until Alexander appeared.

“I’m unpacked.” He said, standing awkwardly just outside the room.

“Alexander come and sit down, Martha and I need to talk to you about something,” George said, and Martha straightened up. The boy tensed, but made his way across the room silently, perching on the edge of one of the armchairs. His eyes fell to the file on the table.

“You read it,” he said quietly. “I’ll go-”

“We haven’t read it Alexander,” George continued. “We wanted to ask your permission first.”

“What?”

“Honey, we want to respect your privacy and what is in that file is extremely personal,” Martha explained. “If you don’t want us to read it, then we won’t and you can tell us in your own time if you want to tell us at all.”

“Please don’t.” Alexander said after a pause, his gaze dropping down to his lap. Martha fought the urge to go over and pull the boy into a hug.

“Okay, that’s fine,” George nodded. “I’ll put it in my office and no one will touch it.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“That’s fine. Are you ready to go shopping?”

* * *

Getting out of the door without any of the dogs getting out was an adventure to say the least. Alexander learned that Sweet Lips wasn’t the only dog they owned, there was Vulcan and True Love too. He didn’t question the names, but he did find them extremely weird.

“Okay,” Mrs Washington said once everyone was out and the door was shut. “We’ll go to the mall and then find somewhere nice to eat, sound good?”

Alexander didn’t know whether the question was aimed at himself or Mr Washington, but he nodded anyway as he followed the couple down the driveway and to their car.

“So Alexander,” Mr Washington said as they climbed in. “Kitty told us over the phone that you get into more than your fair share of fights.” Alexander didn’t miss the look that Mrs Washington gave him, biting his cheek to keep in the laughter.

“Uh, yeah,” He finally answered. “But only- well, it’s- uh- I don’t get into them for no reason.”

“That bruise on your jaw looks pretty nasty.” Mr Washington commented, and Alexander didn’t know what he was getting at. Was he just making small talk? Trying to get Alexander to open up?

“You should have seen the other guy.” He muttered quietly, and both Mr and Mrs Washington laughed.

“I have a feeling that you and my husband are going to get on quite nicely, darling.” Mrs Washington grinned.

Alexander slid down slightly in his seat, not responding to her. That’s what they always said. Whether it was Kitty telling him that she thought he would get on with the members of the family or the families themselves. But he never did. Maybe for a couple of days or weeks and then he’d fuck up and do something wrong and the whole perfect foster family illusion was shattered and the truth came out. He was just wondering how long it would take for that to happen here.

He still hadn’t quite wrapped his head around the fact that they had let him choose whether or not they read his file. Of course, he knew that it was probably fake. They’d let him think that they weren’t going to read it, and then when he was in his room they would. Still, it had been nice to have been given the choice, even if it was fake. He’d lost count of the times that his carers had read his file and bombarded him with questions about his mother or the hurricane. Ones that he didn’t want to answer.

He couldn’t count the amount of times his foster siblings had told the other kids at school who then demanded stories of the hurricane and expected him to live through one of the worst times in his life. He never did, making some excuse and then dashing off, but it didn’t stop the memories flooding back and overwhelming him

He couldn't count the amount of people who took one look at his file and deemed him as a troublemaker straight away. Sure, he got into fights a lot, but none of them were necessarily of his own doing. It wasn’t like he fought people for the fun of it. He wasn’t like the bullies that seemed to pounce on him at every school he went to.

“Alexander, are you alright?” Alexander was snapped out of his thoughts by Mrs Washington.

“I'm fine.” He cleared his throat and sat up, looking out of the window to see that they were in a parking lot.

“Are you sure?”

Alexander nodded and unbuckled himself, waiting for Mr and Mrs Washington to get out before he did. Mrs Washington gently placed an arm around his shoulders, guiding him towards the entrance of the mall.

They made a beeline for the clothing store, and Alexander found his arms filled with tons of outfits that the Washingtons picked out for him. After trying on a fair few of them to make sure they fit him, he was watching with a sick feeling in his stomach as the cashier scanned through the clothes and he watched the total rise.

Mr Washington must have sensed his uneasiness, as he whispered something to Mrs Washington before beckoning Alexander to join him near the exit.

“Alexander, you realize that Martha and I have enough money to pay for this all without worry, right?” He said quietly. “And I don’t mean that in a bragging way, but I could see you watching the total and I just wanted you to know. Nothing we get you today is going to break the bank and even if it did, we wouldn't mind.”

Alexander nodded, but he knew that there was going to be a catch somewhere. Eventually all of this was going to be thrown back in his face. It was inevitable. People just weren’t this nice. Not to a kid that they had just met.

The next stop after the clothing was the shoes, and Alexander found himself with three new pairs of sneakers and a pair of dress shoes just in case he ever needed them. Then, it was a small store where he picked out a few posters for his walls, most of them with animals because he didn’t know the TV or movie ones well enough to warrant them being on his wall. They got a rug, extra bedding and then stopped at the stationery store.

There, they picked out his school supplies and he was even allowed a few that he was allowed to do whatever he wanted with, and Mrs Washington insisted that he picked up a fancy set of pens to go along with them. They took a small break then, returning to the car to put everything in the trunk before going back for the second round.

Alexander followed them in a sort of daze. He couldn’t believe that they were spending so much money on him. Not straight away, anyway. He couldn’t tell whether they were trying to buy his trust or not, but if they were, it wasn’t working. He was even more wary of them now, wondering at what point they would snap and this would be thrown back at him.

Their final stop before dinner was a bookstore. It had been so long since Alexander had been able to pick out his own book to read, having to stick with the ones that were laying around his various foster homes or the limited collection they had in the school libraries.

Wandering around the shelves, his eyes began to water and he had to blink back the tears because he was certain that the Washingtons wouldn’t appreciate him crying just because they let him pick out a few books. But he couldn’t help it. It reminded him of when he was back on Nevis and his mother used to let him pick out a book or two for his birthday. He used to run around the store with his brother James on his heel looking for the books with the brightest covers.

He made sure that he picked up a copy of his mother’s favorite book, Alice in Wonderland to add to his pile.

They finished off the day with dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant where Alexander felt extremely underdressed in just a tshirt and jeans.

But now, perched on the edge of his extremely comfortable bed and thinking back on the day, Alexander was terrified. The dread had stayed with him all day, but now it had multiplied. There was so much stuff and he had no idea how they were going to use this against them, only that they would.

His hand was curled tightly around a slip of paper with Kitty’s number on it, and he had to force himself not to call her and ask her to pick him up.

Why didn’t he just refuse to let them buy him this stuff?

What had he gotten himself into?

 


	3. THREE

Alexander was woken up at six in the morning by the unending beeping of his alarm clock. He burrowed farther under his covers, lazily throwing an arm out to stop the noise. He dozed for a little bit before he was once again awoken by a knocking at his door.

“Morning Alexander,” Mrs Washington called from the other side of the door. “Are you awake?” And then when he didn’t answer. “Alexander?” He let out a groan in response to that, and she laughed. “Downstairs for breakfast in fifteen minutes please.”

Alexander got out of bed as he heard her begin to walk away. He made his way over to the chest of drawers which held his clothes and pulled out the first set of clothes and underwear that he reached, throwing it all on before dragging a brush through his hair and opting to leave it down because he decided that it was too early to bother putting it up.

He grabbed his backpack and made his way across his room whilst trying not to trip over the plastic bags that still littered it. Even though it had been two days since he had first arrived and they went shopping, he still hadn’t unpacked everything they had got for him. Most of it was the things for his room, like the posters. He just hadn’t gotten around to putting them up yet.

“Good morning,” Mr Washington said as Alexander entered the kitchen, dropping his backpack beside his chair before he sat down. “Honey, are you sure you don’t want more time to settle in here before you go to school?”

“I’m fine going to school today.” Alexander answered. They had asked him the same question yesterday, and he’d had the same answer; he was fine to go.

They ate breakfast in silence and Alexander retreated upstairs to brush his teeth and wait in his room until he was called back down again, grabbing his backpack from the kitchen and then following Mr Washington out to the car where he climbed in the back seat, placing his backpack next to him.

“I’ve got to go straight to work after this, so I’m sorry I can’t go in with you,” Mr Washington said as they pulled into the parking lot of the school. “But if you just go into the office and tell the receptionist your name, they’ll give you your schedule. Have a good day. I’ll be here to pick you up.”

“Thanks. You have a good day too.” Alexander said, climbing out of the car and swinging his backpack over his shoulder.

He made his way into the office where he successfully collected his schedule, deciding that it would be better to head up to his class straight away, even though he was twenty minutes early to school. It would probably take him a while to get to the classroom anyway, and it couldn’t hurt to be early.

As it turned out, it only took him five minutes to find the classroom and he found himself stood outside leaning awkwardly against the wall whilst waiting for the teacher to show up.

“Ah, you must be Alex!” A chirpy voice came from behind him and he wheeled around to see a man coming down the corridor, a folder of papers and a mug of coffee in hand.

“Alexander.” He corrected, opening the door for the teacher who gave him a bright smile.

“I’m sorry Alexander, I just assumed you would want it shortened,” The teacher said as he entered the room, gesturing for Alexander to follow him in. “But that’s okay. Sit anywhere. I’m Mr Pendleton.”

Alexander sat at a desk at the back of the room, watching as students trickled slowly in through the door. He rested his head on his arms, closing his eyes for a short moment whilst everyone was getting seated. At least until someone tapped him on the shoulder.

“You’re sitting in my seat,” the boy pouted as Alexander looked up. The first thing that Alexander noticed was his hair, there was so damn much of it, falling in tight curls and when Alexander didn’t answer, the boy repeated himself. “I said you’re sitting in my seat. Move.”

“Thomas,” Mr Pendleton moved towards them. “You know that there are no assigned seats in this room. Alexander has just as much right to sit there as you do-”

“I’ve been sitting there all year.” Thomas crossed his arms and Alexander had to keep back a laugh because of how ridiculous he looked.

“I wasn’t aware that I was teaching a kindergarten class.” Mr Pendleton said in reply and there was loud laughter from a group of three boys near the front. Alexander didn’t pay them much attention, watching instead as Thomas stalked off to a different desk without another word.

Other than that, the class went smoothly but although Alexander liked Mr Pendleton, he wasn’t really focused on the lesson, but instead doodled in the margins of his notebook.

He was required to introduce himself in only one class before lunch where he quickly told them his name and the fact that he was from the Caribbean before practically throwing himself into the chair he had been assigned and willing for the teacher to start the lesson.

At lunch, Alexander got his food and sat at an empty table, eating slowly whilst reading a chapter in his history textbook that they were told to read for homework. He didn’t mind sitting on his own. In fact, he preferred it over being with his friends which was why he was annoyed when a group of boys started sitting at the table with them.

Looking up from his textbook, he recognized them as the three from his first class who had laughed at Thomas. They all sat opposite him.

“You looked lonely,” a boy with his curly hair pulled tightly into a ponytail remarked, his thick French accent hard to miss. “So John,” He paused, gesturing to a freckled boy sat next to him and then to a tall, dark skinned boy sat beside John. “and Hercules and I thought we would sit with you.”

“I’m not lonely.” Alexander said shortly. It was true. He wasn’t lonely and he didn’t need them to sit with him.

“Well, having a couple of friends can never hurt,” Hercules shrugged and Alexander raised his eyebrows. Friends? Alexander was here to get an education, not to make friends. “Can it?”

“Actually yes it can,” Alexander said, stuffing his textbook in his backpack. It hurt when he had to move and leave them behind. It hurt when they went behind his back. That was why he hadn't had friends for well over a year. Because he knew he’d have to leave them. “Thanks, but I’m really not interested in making friends.”

He dumped the rest of his food in the bin and left the cafeteria, roaming the halls absentmindedly before lunch ended and he was making his way to his next class.

The end of the school day couldn’t come quick enough and he had to force himself not to sprint across the parking lot when he spotted Mr Washington’s car.

“Hamilton!” He was almost near the car when he heard his name being called, and recognized it instantly as Thomas.

“What?” He asked, glaring at the boy who was approaching him with a slightly smaller boy trailing after him.

“I’m offering you my friendship,” Thomas said, outstretching a hand and trying to look much older than twelve, running his other hand through his curls and straightening his back, holding his head up high. “I think we can both get over the incident this morning and the fact you’re a smart ass teacher’s pet-”

“Shove your friendship up your ass,” Alexander snarled, keeping his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want it.”

He didn’t wait for Thomas’ response before he ran to the car, climbing in. Mr Washington turned to him, concern evident of his face.

“Was that boy giving you trouble, Alexander?” He asked. “You didn’t look too happy to be talking to him.”

“No,” Alexander shrugged. “He was asking me about homework, that was all.”

Mr Washington didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t say anything else the entire ride home. Alexander grabbed his bag, following George into the house, the pair getting ambushed by dogs as soon as they stepped in.

“Hello Alexander,” Mrs Washington stepped out of the living room. “Make any friends at school today?”

“A few.” Alexander lied, stroking Vulcan. It was better to lie so that they didn’t get worried and start asking questions. “But I’ve got a lot of homework to do so if you don’t mind-”

“Actually,” Mrs Washington held up a finger. “I went out whilst you were at school today and I got you a little surprise. It’s in the living room if you want to check it out.”

Alexander didn’t know what he was expecting when he slowly walked to the living room, but it definitely wasn’t a laptop and a phone. He stared at the two boxes and then at the Washingtons who were both watching him.

“No way.” He said at last and the Washingtons burst into laughter.

Then, Alexander was making his way upstairs to his room with a feeling in his stomach just like the one he had the night he arrived. It didn’t disappear when he was setting the phone and laptop up, when he was completing his homework, when he ate dinner, when he showered, or when he crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling trying to sleep.

It only disappeared around four am when he finally managed to drift off, retreating into his dreams where his mom was still alive and none of this had ever happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what what this is being updated semi regularly??? i know! i'm more surprised than you guys are!!
> 
> And don't worry, Alexander will be friends with Laf, John and Herc eventually.


	4. FOUR

Alexander was woken up two hours after he fell asleep once again to Mrs Washington knocking on his door. He sat up, pushing past the fuzziness in his mind and got out of bed to unlock the door.

“Morning,” She smiled at him when he pulled the door open, but then her smile fell. “You don’t look too good, Alexander.”

“I’m fine,” Alexander shrugged. “Just a bit tired, that’s all.”

“Maybe you should stay home for tod-”

“No,” He said, a little too forcefully, causing Mrs Washington to raise her eyebrows. “I’m fine. I can go to school.”

“Alright,” She said after a small pause. “Well, come down to the kitchen when you’re ready. Breakfast is done. George has to go in a little earlier today, so I’m going to drop you at school if that’s OK?”

“It’s fine.” He nodded, and watched as she left to go back downstairs.

He got changed into the first things he grabbed from his drawers, and pulled his hair into a loose messy bun at the back of his head, not having the effort to do anything else with it.

Yawning, he grabbed his backpack, pocketed his phone and shuffled downstairs, where he dropped his bag and practically collapsed onto the chair.

Mr Washington was just getting ready to leave, watching Alexander from the other side of the room as he shovelled a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

“Hungry?” Mr Washington chuckled, and Alexander nodded, feeling his eyes drooping. “Tired?”

“Yes, sir.” Alexander mumbled around a mouthful of food.

“Did you not get enough sleep, son?” Mr Washington asked, and suddenly Alexander was sat up straight.

“Don’t call me son.” He snapped.

Mr Washington raised his eyebrows, but sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just a habit of mine. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Alexander slouched again, and ate his food without responding. He didn’t know what to say to it - he knew he shouldn’t have snapped, but then again, Mr Washington had called him son and the only person who could call him son was dead (Alexander didn’t count his father. He didn’t act as a parent, so why should he call Alexander his son?)

Mrs Washington joined them a minute later, dressed and ready to take Alexander to school, who was halfway through slowly eating his breakfast. Mr Washington glanced at the clock and stood, giving his wife a kiss before turning to Alexander.

“Bye Alexander, have a good day, son-”

He was cut off by Alexander’s fork clattering on his plate and him standing up abruptly with tears welling in his eyes.

“ _Call me son one more fucking time!_ " He screamed, and instantly regretted it with the looks of shock that flashed over both of the Washington’s faces. Mrs Washington masked it quickly, her lips pressed into a straight line.

“You haven’t had enough sleep,” she said matter-of-factly. Go up to your room and take a nap, Alexander.”

“But it’s six thirty-”

“Up to your room.”

Alexander let out a childish whine, but went back upstairs with Vulcan at his heels, who had been sniffing around in the kitchen for any food that had been dropped. He could hear the Washingtons talking about him as he made his way upstairs, but he was too tired to listen.

He made it up to his room, leaving the door cracked slightly open for once so that Vulcan could leave if he wanted to, and flopped onto his bed face first. He felt Vulcan lay down beside him and threw his arm out, half-heartedly stroking him.

He didn’t have any trouble falling asleep this time.

* * *

 

He woke up to a soft chuckle coming from the doorway of his room, and raised his head slightly off the pillow to check who it was. He panicked slightly when he could barely lift himself off the bed because there was something on his back.

“It looks like you’ve got a few guests,” Mrs Washington smiled when she saw Alexander was awake. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“‘S fine.” Alexander mumbled, managing to roll over so that he was led on his back which somehow he did without waking True Love up. He saw what Mrs Washington meant about having guests; Sweet Lips and True Love had decided to join him and Vulcan for their nap.

“I’m going to take the dogs on a walk in a couple of minutes, would you like to join?” Mrs Washington asked. “It’ll give us a chance to talk about some things.”

Alexander didn’t really want to go or talk about things, but he knew they would have to address what had happened this morning sometime, and it was better to get it over and done with as soon as possible. Although he was sure it would be brought up again when Mr Washington got home.

“Okay.” He nodded.

“Alright, honey, go and get ready.” She smiled and left.

Alexander was quite proud of himself that he managed to pull himself from under True Love without waking him up. He crossed his room, and took his hair out of its now dishevelled bun and put it into a ponytail instead. He pulled on a pair of sneakers, and then gently woke the dogs up who all thundered downstairs once Mrs Washington called them.

He followed behind them, reaching the foyer just as Mrs Washington had finished clipping on their leashes.

“You might want to get a coat,” she told him, handing him the leash for Vulcan. “I think it’s a bit cold outside.”

So he grabbed his coat from the coat pegs and slipped it on, hanging on tight to the handle of Vulcan’s leash as the dog pawed at the door.

It was drizzling as they stepped outside, and both put their hoods up. They were silent as they walked the dogs around the neighborhood, and Alexander was wondering whether she was actually going to talk to him - and hoping she wasn’t - when they reached the field and let the dogs off the leashes to run around together for a bit.

“So, Alexander,” she started and Alexander dropped his gaze to the floor, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What happened this morning?”

“I don’t- I was tired and I just got really mad,” He shrugged. “And he called me son even after I asked him not to and I know it was an accident but-” he stopped himself from talking, giving her another shrug.

“I get that. He shouldn’t have called you son, but as you said, it was an accident,” she said. “But why hadn’t you gotten enough sleep? What time did you fall asleep?”

“About four-ish I think. I just couldn’t sleep.” He had decided that there was no point in lying.

“Do you have trouble falling asleep a lot?”

“No,” he shook his head. “Well, yeah, but only when I first come to a new house. Like, once I get settled in then I’m fine. Unless I’m scared or nervous about something I guess.”

“OK,” Mrs Washington nodded. “Well, if one day you haven’t had enough sleep just tell George or me and we’ll let you stay home and make sure we call the school. You could even just sleep for two or three more hours and go to school once you’ve woken up if missing school is a problem for you.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s okay, Alexander.”

They both fell silent and Alexander made up his mind that he was going to tell her his past. He started talking before he could decide against it.

“I don’t like being called son because the only person who called me that was my mamá and now she’s dead,” he told her after a few minutes. “She- no, we, got sick and-”

“You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to Alexander,” she said softly. “Please-”

“No, I-I want to,” Alexander interrupted her. And he did. He wanted to tell her himself instead of her finding out from Kitty or his file. “We got sick, and my brother, Jemmy, he looked after us. But mama passed away, even though I got better and because my father-” he struggled saying the word. His father didn't act like a father. “because he left, Jemmy and me, we didn’t have anyone to look after us so we had to go stay with one of his old friends but Jemmy dropped out of school and got a job as soon as he turned sixteen and we moved into and then a hurricane came and Jemmy he-he-”

Alexander trailed off, a lump growing in his throat and tears welling in his eyes. He took a deep breath.

“I was nine and Jemmy had just turned seventeen and it came out of nowhere. We hid under our bed, and the windows got smashed, and the water kept coming in and,” he paused. His voice was shaking and Mrs Washington put a hand on his shoulder. “We waited until it was done. And then Jemmy got really agitated and he was yelling at me to get out of the house so I ran and I tried to get him to come to but he said he needed to get some things but that I needed to run away as far as possible-” he stopped to wipe away his tears. “I just made it out before the house collapsed. I got caught under some of the debris, but I pulled myself out. Jemmy- I tried-” he finally broke down into sobs. “I could hear him screaming for me and I tried so hard, but I couldn’t get him out.”

Mrs Washington wrapped her arms around him tightly, and he just cried. He felt so much better after telling her, but it hurt reliving everything.

“Alexander,” Mrs Washington said, pulling away from the hug and lowering herself so she was at his level. “Thank you for telling me that,” she wiped away a few of his tears with his thumb. “And I’m sorry that you had to go through that, but George and I, we’re going to give you the best life we can, OK?”

“Thank you.”

“It’s our pleasure.”  
  
And they settled into comfortable silence until they decided that it was time to go back home. They had just reached the driveway when Mrs Washington turned to Alexander.

“Oh! I forgot to tell you one thing.” she said.

“What?” His mind instantly went to the fact that they had called Kitty to come pick him up over what happened this morning.

“We don’t tolerate swearing in our household,” and her voice was serious. “Please don’t do it again.”

“Of course,” Alexander nodded. “I’m sorry.”

He realized that he didn’t want another placement, and that he did want to stay here for as long as they would have him. He wasn’t going to cut it short this time by fighting or breaking the rules. He wanted to make this placement last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may notice that I didn't include Alexander's cousin whilst he was explaining his past in this chapter. Yeah. That was intentional, and it will come into play in later chapters.


	5. FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a storm, Alexander is a mess and Martha is a saint.
> 
> TW for panic attacks

Alexander sat at his desk, using his laptop to research an essay that he was planning to write for his history class when his phone buzzed beside him. He ignored it at first, but eventually curiosity got the better of him, and he checked the text.

“School’s closed for tomorrow and the day after.” he murmured as he scanned over the text, panic setting in at the last sentence. Because of a storm. What storm?

With shaking hands he pulled up the page for the weather forecast and sure enough, heavy rain, wind and thunder was forecast for the next two days. Alexander felt his chest tightening, but forced himself to take steady breaths. He couldn’t freak out.

Once he was calmer he made his way downstairs to where Mrs Washington was watching a documentary. She paused it when he walked in, giving him a smile which he attempted to return.

“Schools closed,” he said slowly, keeping his voice steady. “For tomorrow and the day after, because of the storm. I thought I should tell you.”

“I got the text too,” she nodded, holding up her phone. “But thank you,” she turned off the TV, standing up. “Is there anything particular you want for dinner tonight? I’m thinking about just calling George to get take out for tonight.”

“No I don’t mind,” he shook his head. “I’m not really hungry anyway.”

“Okay, well, it’ll probably just be pizza then,” she said. “Any in particular?”

“Cheese,” he shrugged. “I mean, if you and Mr Washington don’t mind. I don’t really mind. Really, I’m not fussy so it doesn’t matter. You can get whatever.”

“Cheese is fine, dear.” Mrs Washington responded and left the room as she called Mr Washington.

Alexander headed back upstairs, closing his door behind him before flopping on to his bed. Vulcan joined him licking his face a couple of times before settling down beside him. He searched on his phone, opening every article he could find on the storm that was going to hit. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself.

He was shaking so much that he couldn’t hold his phone by the time he had finished reading the articles, and he couldn’t breathe. He curled into a tight ball. It was going to hit later this evening, and it was supposed to be bad. He didn’t know how he hadn’t heard about it before, but he was grateful that he had found out because at least he could be a little bit prepared. Not like he was with the hurricane.

No. He couldn’t think about the hurricane. He wasn’t on Nevis anymore and the storm coming wasn’t a hurricane. It wasn’t going to flatten the entire town-

“Alexander! Dinner!” Mrs Washington’s shout pulled Alexander from his thoughts and he took a few deep breaths before he could even consider even leaving his room.

He joined the Washingtons at the table, taking the smallest slice of pizza from the box before he took his seat, taking small bites and chewing them for longer than he needed to. His throat was tight, and he was worried that if he took too big of a bite then he would choke.

So instead, he listened to Mr Washington talking about his day at work and Mrs Washington talk about the documentary that she had been watching. Alexander felt like he needed to join the conversation too, so that they didn’t think anything was wrong, and he had something he needed to say anyway.

“I’m sorry for this morning Mr Washington.” He felt his cheeks burning in shame, staring down at his plate.

“It’s okay, Alexander,” Mr Washington responded. “I shouldn’t have called you son again, and for that I apolo-”

He was cut off by a flash of lightning that was quickly followed by a clap of thunder. Alexander almost fell out of his seat.

“Alexander are you okay?” Mrs Washington was frowning at him.

“I-I-I’m not hungry,” he stuttered, dropping his barely eaten pizza onto his plate. “Gotta go finish an essay I- thanks for the- for the pizza.”

He bolted up the stairs, slamming his door. He wanted to lock it, but he couldn’t. If he needed to get out, he needed to be able to do it as soon as possible and fiddling with a lock wouldn’t do him any favours. His chest was impossibly tight, and he was gulping in breaths, sliding to the floor.

He closed his eyes, clamping his hands over his ears in an attempt to block out the noise of the wind and the thunder. He wanted it to stop. Needed it to stop.

“Alexander?” A soft voice, his door knob turning, the door trying to open but hitting his back. “Alexander, sweetie, can you move what’s in front of your door?”

He was scooting forward, curling into a ball, the carpet soft under his cheek. There was a hand on his shoulder and he shrieked, pushing it off.

“Alexander, it’s me,” the voice said. “It’s Martha. Hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be fine. I need you to take deep breaths for me. I’m here, you’re safe.”

He wasn’t safe. The house was going to fall down. He was going to be trapped, just like Jemmy was.

Jemmy.

Alexander had killed him. He had given up, clawing at the wreckage of their house even though his hands were bleeding. But it wasn’t enough. If he had kept going then he could have gotten his brother out, but he hadn’t. He had killed him. He should have forced him to leave when he did.

“I killed him! I killed Jemmy.”

“Alexander, you didn’t kill your brother,” Mrs Washington said, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe her. “You didn’t.”

And then he was being gathered into her arms and she was rubbing comforting circles on his back, reassuring him that he was going to be okay, that it was just a storm, and slowly his chest was untightening and he was shaking less but the tears wouldn't stop and he was hiding his face in the fabric of her t-shirt.

Eventually he calmed down, pulling away from her and using his hands to wipe away the tears from his eyes that were hurting from crying so much. He was hiccuping, and still every time thunder crashed outside he jumped.

“I-I’m sorry.” He whimpered.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for, Alexander,” Mrs Washington said gently, using her thumb to wipe away his tears. “I should have realised after you told me about the-”

“No. It’s not your fault,” he shook his head and shakily stood up. “But I don’t think Kitty will be able to drive in this rain.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Can I take some of the clothes?” Alexander continued. “I-I won’t take them all but-” a clap of thunder. “Just some of them.”

“Oh, sweetie,” She sighed as she finally realised what he meant. “We’re not getting rid of you. Not because of a panic attack.”

“But it’s not just that,” he threw his hands up. “I shouted at Mr Washington this morning too. I _swore_ at him.”

“You were tired, Alexander,” Mrs Washington said. “Listen sweetie, why don’t you get changed for bed and I’ll bring you some sleeping pills so you can get some sleep?”

“But I- I don’t get it!” Alexander almost shouted. “Why are you just acting like nothing happened!? All I’ve done since I’ve arrived is cause trouble and I don’t understand!”

“Don’t understand what?”

“Why you haven’t called Kitty,” he fiddled with the bottom of his shirt. “She would collect me as soon as possible and then you could get another foster kid that isn’t trouble.”

“You’re not trouble,” Mrs Washington said softly, pulling him into a hug which he didn’t return. “Things haven’t been good for you, Alexander, and that’s not your fault. It’s totally understandable for you to be scared of this storm, and I can tell you that George and I don’t regret fostering you one bit.”

“You don’t?” He whispered, hating how the surprise showed in his voice.

“No,” she hugged him tighter. “But I’m going to suggest something,” she pulled away, crouching so that she was on his level. “Tomorrow, George and I will make a few calls and see whether we can get you an appointment with a therapist,” He opened his mouth to protest, but she held up a finger. “I know that doesn’t sound like the best thing, but we can try it and if therapy doesn’t help then we’ll try something else.”

“Okay.” He nodded weakly.

“I’m going to go downstairs and get some things to help you sleep.” she said, patting his shoulder before she left.

 _It’s just a storm, not a hurricane_. Alexander repeated over and over in his head as he got changed, trying not to freak out once again. 

Mrs Washington returned with a glass of water and two pills which Alexander was hesitant to swallow, but eventually did so. She left again, but Mr Washington was there, pulling the desk chair over to the side of the bed, his voice quiet as he told Alexander stories of the things he used to get up to when he was Alexander’s age.

Despite the storm still raging outside, Alexander felt calm and, after a few minutes, drifted off into a dreamless sleep. That night he slept the best he had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 75 kudos already!!!???? Holy moley


	6. SIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry

When Alexander returned back to school, he knew what he had to do. First of all, he had to hand in the work that he had missed on his day off, and the pieces that various teachers sent out to complete over the two days the school was shut because of the storm and secondly, he had to make friends.

It was a lot harder said than done. Nobody seemed to want to talk to him. Every conversation he started would inevitably trail off after a minute or so, and by lunch he was ready to give up. Maybe he just wasn’t meant to have friends. After all, he had done just fine at his other schools without them, and it was all kind of his fault for driving everyone away when he first started.

But then lunch came along and he saw Lafayette, Hercules and John after he had got his food, hesitating a little before he went to join them.

“Would you mind if I sat with you? My name's Alexander.” He asked as he approached the table, his grip tightening on his tray as he awaited their answer.

“Sure!” Lafayette exclaimed, and Alexander let out a sigh of relief, sitting down next to John who gave him a big grin. “And there’s no need for introductions, mon ami, we all know each other’s names.”

“Thank you,” Alexander said as he took a sip from his drink. “I was uh, scared that you wouldn’t let me sit with you after last time.”

“That’s in the past,” Hercules laughed. “We get it. But what changed your mind? You seemed pretty adamant you didn’t need any friends.”

“I’d rather not go into that just yet,” He shrugged. “If you don’t mind.” He wasn’t sure he was ready to tell them that he was a foster kid just yet. Generally, kids tended to stay away from him when he told them that, or they had at the other schools he had attended. He’d tell them eventually, he’d have to, but for now, what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

Over lunch they all traded phone numbers and John downloaded the Facebook and Messenger app on Alexander's phone and set him up a profile. The boys added him and then created a group chat with the four of them putting a goofy group selfie that they took quickly before the bell went as the picture.

Halfway through the lesson after lunch, Alexander’s phone went off in class. His teacher gave him a stern look as he pulled it out of his pocket to silence it, but he stopped when he saw that it was Mrs Washington who was trying to call him.

He stood up and left the room to answer the call with permission from his teacher who had began to say no when he initially asked, but Alexander was getting anxious again and he must have teared up or something because he was told to go outside and made it quick. By the time he was out, the call had gone and he called her back straight away.

“Alexander,” she answered breathlessly. “Do you know how to walk home from school?”

“I-I think so, yeah, why?”

“I’ve called to let the school know that you’ll be leaving, but you have to make your way home as quick as possible, okay?-”

“I don’t understand.”

“-George and I will be home in a little bit. There’s a key under the doormat so you can let yourself in. I’ve got to go because I’m about to start driving. Stay safe.”

And then she hung up and Alexander was left staring down at his phone confused. He slowly walked back to his desk and collected his stuff, told the teacher and walked out of the school in a sort of daze. Whatever had happened seemed to be serious, because both of the Washingtons were leaving work and he was being pulled out of school. His mind was spinning and he didn’t exactly take Mrs Washington's instructions to get home as soon as possible to heart because three cars were in the driveway by the time he had gotten home.

His stomach sunk. Three cars. Mr Washington’s, Mrs Washington’s and Kitty’s.

He let himself in using the key under the doormat and was greeted first by the dogs and then the Washingtons and Kitty. Mrs Washington had been crying and it only made Alexander’s stomach churn more.

There was silence as Alexander regarded the trio in front of him and they regarded him, but Kitty stepped forward.

“You need to go and pack your things.”

The words hit him like a slap in the face and he stepped back, shaking his head as tears welled in his eyes. He hadn’t done anything for them to call her. Nothing but the panic attack a couple of days ago, but Mrs Washington had told him she wasn’t going to send him away.

“Your cousin got in contact with us,” she explained. “He wants you to live with him and-”

“No!” Alexander yelled. “No. I’m not going!”

“Alexander-” Kitty attempted to pull him into a hug but he stepped away, backing up against the wall.

“I’m happy here,” and he didn’t want to but he was crying and he sent a panicked look to the Washingtons. “Please don’t let me go. I don’t want to go.”

“It’s not our choice son,” Mr Washington said, and Alexander didn’t correct him. “I'm sorry.”

Alexander ran up the stairs, slamming and locking his door behind him. He could hear footsteps up the stairs and Kitty was knocking on his door and asking him if he was alright and he ignored her as he tipped the contents of his backpack on the floor and threw a couple of outfits in there. He left the laptop, but couldn’t bring himself to leave the phone.

He collapsed onto his bed, watching as his screen lit up with messages from the groupchat. Something about how lame their classes were. With a sinking feeling, he opened up the group chat and simply put _I’m going to miss you guys. Moving placement_  before muting the group chat so that he didn't have to see the messages that followed.

He cursed himself for letting himself get too comfortable. That was always when everything fucked up and it had just proved itself now. Just when he was settling down, when he was starting to trust Mr and Mrs Washington, when he was starting to make friends and just before his first therapy session tomorrow. He should have known. Nothing ever went right for him. Not since his mama died. Not since he got off Nevis.

He didn’t even know his cousin, but he knew that he had gotten priority over the Washingtons with the placement just because he was family.

It took him a while to force himself to leave the room, heading downstairs to where the adults were all waiting in the living room. He shut down, barely registering the tight hugs that the Washingtons gave him and Kitty ushering him out of the car. He stared down at his lap, missing the waves that the Washingtons gave him, and he didn’t hear Kitty trying to justify her decision in placing him with his cousin.

He was alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my way of saying thank you for 100 kudos i guess???
> 
> pls dont hate me


	7. SEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it doesnt get off to a good start

“Do you want to stop off for food somewhere?” Kitty asked, breaking the silence that had fallen in the car once she had realised that Alexander wasn’t listening to her justifications and had stopped talking.

Alexander didn’t answer, still staring down at his lap. He was mad at Kitty for changing his placement. She always said that she wanted the best for him, but then she’d ripped him from the one place that he felt happy in. Deep down he knew it wasn’t really her fault and she was only doing what she had been trained to do.

“Alexander, you can’t stay mad at me forever.” She said, looking back at him and raising her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, okay? I am. But we did all the checks that the Washingtons, or any foster parent, went through on your cousin and he passed there was no reason not to place you with him.”

Alexander still stayed silent, picking at a loose thread on his trousers. He heard Kitty sigh, but she didn’t try to talk to him again and he was glad for it.

In the end, they didn’t stop for food and they reached his cousin’s house in another hour or so. It took Alexander a couple of minutes before he forced himself to get out of the car to where Kitty was waiting on the sidewalk.

The door had already opened by the time they made it up the pathway, Alexander’s cousin standing in the doorway.

“Alexander!” He grinned as they reached the door, pulling him into a tight hug. “It’s good to see you! I’m Peter.”

Alexander didn’t see a point in introducing himself when Peter already knew his name, so he stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking to Kitty who stepped forward.

“He’s a little… upset about leaving his last placement,” she said, shaking Peter’s hand. “I have to get going, but I’m sure he’ll adjust soon enough.”

“Thank you,” Peter smiled, watching her as she left before he turned to Alexander. “Let’s go see you room and get your things unpacked. You’ll be starting school straight away - the school transfer went through a couple of days ago, so I’ve got a tour of the school booked in about an hour. We can get some takeout afterwards. How does that sound?”

Alexander shrugged, scuffing the front of his shoe on the floor. Peter laughed, placing a hand on his shoulder, guiding him into the house before closing the door.

The house was only one floor and so Peter led Alexander down a hallway and to his room. It was small, smaller than it had ever been in any of his other placements and miniscule compared to his bedroom at the Washingtons, not that size really mattered to Alexander. There was a single bed pushed up against one of the walls with a nightstand next to it and a chest of drawers against the opposite wall, with a rug covering most of the floor.

“I’ll leave you to unpack your things, but be ready to go in about an hour, alright?” Peter said as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

Alexander threw his backpack onto the bed, pulling out the clothes that he had packed. He put them in the drawers and plugged his phone charge into the wall, finally gathering the courage to check the groupchat before realising that he didn’t know the Wifi password.

He walked out into the kitchen where Peter was sat at the table on his laptop, looking up as Alexander entered the kitchen.

“What’s up, buddy?” He asked and Alexander held up his phone. Peter laughed. “Wifi password? It’s on a post-it on the fridge.”

Alexander found the post-it, typed in the password and retreated back to his room.

 **From Lafayette:**  What do you mean, mon ami?  
**From John:** What?  
_Lafayette changed the name of the group to whathappenedtoalex??_  
**From John:** Alexander what do you mean?  
Changing placement as in foster placement?  
Please answer  
**From Herc:** what the fuck  
alex what happened?  
**From Lafayette:** Alexander*  
**From Herc:** his name is the least of my worries right now  
ALEXANDER please let us know you’re ok  
when you can  
**From John:** I don’t really get what’s happening but whenever you see these let us know  
**From Alexander:** Yes as in foster placement. About three hours away from you guys now. With my  
cousin. Want to go home. Sorry I never  
told you  
**From Lafayette:** We can still be friends mon ami, we will just have to talk in this chat and Skype  
and things  
**From Alexander:** You’re not mad at me for not telling you guys I was a foster kid?  
**From John:** Never  
**From Herc:** never  
**From Lafayette:** Never  
**From Alexander:** Thank you

“Aren’t you too young to be using Facebook?” Alexander almost jumped a mile when Peter spoke. “The minimum age is thirteen, I’m pretty sure.”

Alexander stared down at his phone before looking up at Peter. Peter had his eyebrows raised and arms crossed, but dropped it when he made eye contact with Alexander. “I’m just kidding. We’ve got to leave now if we want to make it to the tour.”

He pocketed his phone and stood up, following Peter out of the door. They walked down the the school with took around twenty minutes, with Alexander paying close attention to the route they took considering that he would have to walk it by himself tomorrow morning.

The tour passed quickly, Alexander was also given his schedule and made sure that he was familiar with the rooms that he needed to go to, although he still didn’t speak a word. After that, Peter realized that Alexander didn’t have any school supplies or toiletries so they went shopping for those quickly and finished off the night with getting pizza that they carried home.

Two slices of pizza later, Alexander had retreated to his room, locking the door. He made sure that his backpack was ready for the next day and got changed into his pyjamas. It was when he was lying in bed that he had a sinking feeling.

 **To Mr Washington (9:42):** I just realized that I took the phone but you’re still paying the monthly bill. I’m so sorry. I'm sure my cousin will let me mail it back to you if I ask.  
**From Mr Washington (9:44):** That’s fine, Alexander. Don’t worry about it. You can keep the phone. I hope everything's going okay at your cousin's.  
**To Mr Washington (9:45):** I want to go home.  
**From Mr Washington (9:45):** We want you home too, son.

* * *

 

Alexander woke up to his phone alarm blaring and quickly turned it off. He set about getting ready, putting his hair up in a bun to keep it out of his face after a ten minute battle trying to get it to look presentable.

Leaving his room, he saw that there was a note left on the table for him from Peter, saying that he had to leave for work, but he hoped that Alexander had a good day and to make sure that he ate something for breakfast.

He wasn’t really hungry, but he settled for an apple which he ate on the way to school, tossing the core into the bushes as he neared the school grounds. He had little trouble finding his classes, but refused to introduce himself in any of them, staying silent like he had since he had left the Washington’s house.

Alexander knew that it would make him an easy target for the bullies, and wasn’t surprised when he was cornered in the lunch hall by a group of boys he recognised from his Spanish class.

“Cat got your tongue Alexander?” One of them teased. “Ooh, I’m Alexander and I can’t even introduce myself in class-” he and his friends dissolved into laughter. Alexander merely rolled his eyes. The insults weren’t even good.

But when he felt someone unzipping his backpack, he was angry.

“Where’d you keep your wallet?”

Alexander spun around to the boy, glaring at him. He could withstand the insults, but he wasn’t going to let people steal his things or walk over him like he was a doormat.

“C’mon, Hamilton, give us your lunch money.”

Alexander threw the first punch.

* * *

Peter did not look happy when he came to collect Alexander from the office. He didn’t speak the whole way home, but as soon as they stepped in the house, every trace of the cheery and kind man who had looked after him yesterday was gone.

“What the fuck!?” He yelled. “Your first day and you get into a fight!? It’s no fucking wonder that you were passed around so many homes, huh!?”

“I’m sorry!” Alexander said. His first words since he had arrived. “They were trying to-”

“I don’t care what they were trying to do, Alexander!” Peter interrupted. “You realize that I’m not getting paid right now because I had to leave work to pick you up! I take you into my home and you repay me like this!? You’re ungrateful!”

“I’m not! I just-”

“Stop interrupting me!” And Alexander wasn’t expecting the punch that landed on his jaw.

He staggered back a few steps and Peter unclenched his fists, holding out his left hand.

“Phone,” he demanded, but Alexander didn’t move. “Give me your phone and get to your room. You’re grounded.”

There was another punch, this one to his stomach and Peter demanded the phone which Alexander pushed into his hand before running to his room. He locked the door, curling into a ball on the top of his covers as he fought back the tears.

Even his own cousin didn’t love him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY
> 
> and the reaction to the last chapter was !!!!!!!!!!!!! thank youuuuu! <3


	8. EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how i feel about this chapter but i wanted to get it up asap soooo
> 
> and yeah, this is all probably unrealistic with how the police would handle what happens, but yeah, just ignore that...

It had been around three months since Alexander had moved in with Peter. The bullying was getting worse and so was the abuse. Peter had lost his job about a month ago, and spent the money he got for caring for Alexander mostly on alcohol. The cupboards were always almost empty, and Alexander would have to make something to eat from whatever he found, but mostly he just ate the leftovers of whatever takeout James had ordered for himself.

Skyping his friends had gotten a lot harder over the past weeks with Peter being home more. They would Skype whilst Peter was out, that way there was no danger of Peter suddenly going into a rage, like he was prone to do, and his friends finding out what was happening. Alexander couldn’t tell anyone. He had tried to tell Kitty, calling her up in the middle of the night when Peter was asleep. It hadn’t worked; Kitty had told him to stop lying and called Peter the next morning to let him know what Alexander had said. That landed him in a lot of trouble.

His grades had started slipping at school, and the teachers had picked up on the bullying that was happening and, although there was no effort to stop the actual bullying, he was referred to the school counsellor. Their sessions consisted of Alexander staying silent, refusing to speak. At first, he had just left class at the time of his appointment and hid out in the toilets, but eventually, the counsellor came to his class to collect him. She tried to get him to speak, but he wouldn’t. He was scared that if he started talking about what was happening then he wouldn’t be able to stop.

So one night, after Peter had been particularly angry at Alexander for getting in yet another fight he knew what he had to do. He charged his phone to full battery and waited for Peter to go to bed. He waited until Peter would be asleep as slipped out of his room, shouldering his backpack. He was going back to the Washingtons.

Google Maps told him where he needed to go, and he didn’t bother looking at the time that it would take him to get there, he knew it would take hours, but he didn’t care. It was worth it.

He walked most of the night and morning, taking a few breaks along the way, but when it got to around midday he felt as if he was about to collapse and made his way to the closest coffee shop and ordered a large hot chocolate, using the money he had stolen from Peter a couple of days before.

When he was sat down, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and his stomach sank. He had so many missed calls from both Kitty and Peter and he knew that they were looking for him, and a text from Peter informed him they had the police out too. His screen lit up once more with a call from Peter and he answered it, even though he was filled with terror.

“What the fuck Alexander!” Peter bellowed, and Alexander flinched. “You get home right now you absolute asshole. Where are you!? Tell me where you are and I’ll come and get you right now. You are in so much trouble when you get home, I’m telling you-”

Alexander was shaking so hard that he found it hard to hang up the call, but he did and put his phone on the table, wiping away the tears that were falling. He could hear the baristas whispering behind the counter and then one was making her way over to him, sitting opposite.

“You okay, kid?” She asked gently. “Who was that on the phone?”

“I’m fine ma’am,” he shrugged. “And it was no one, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to sit with me. I’m fine.”

“Alright,” she nodded, but she didn’t seem convinced. “Well if you need anything you just talk to me or one of my colleagues.”

“Thank you.” Alexander said, and watched her walk away. He rested his head on his arms and despite his best efforts, fell asleep.

He awoke to a hand on his shoulder, pushing it off and jumping to his feet. He backed up against the wall when he saw two police officers.

“Alexander, people have been looking for you, buddy,” The one who had had his hand on Alexander’s shoulder said. “We’re going to take you home, okay?”

Alexander couldn’t speak. His chest was tight. They had found him. Why didn’t he think about the police getting involved? They weren’t taking him home, they were taking him to Peter’s house. Peter was going to kill him. He was going to hurt him and Alexander wouldn’t be able to escape.

“Slow breaths, buddy,” the officer was telling him and he closed his eyes, trying to follow the instructions. “That’s it. That’s it. C’mon, let’s get you to the car.”

He allowed himself to be led out of the coffee shop and into the back of the police car. The other officer stayed behind to talk to the baristas, and Alexander realised with a feeling of betrayal that it was probably them who called the police in the first place.

He sat in the back, arms wrapped tightly around himself as they waited for the other officer. He wanted to cry, wanted to try and run again. Peter was going to kill him. He was going to kill him.

“Why did you run away, Alexander?” The officer asked.

“Peter.” He whispered before he could stop himself. If he told the police they would do something about it. They had to, right?

“What do you mean?”

“He,” Alexander struggled to say the words. “He gets drunk and he gets angry and he-he-” he couldn't say it.

The police officer seemed shocked, and Alexander was scared that he was going to do a Kitty and tell him to stop lying, but he didn’t.

“You’re in foster care, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have your social worker’s number?”

Alexander handed over his phone, letting the officer type Kitty’s phone number into his phone and he stepped out of the car to dial it. Once he was done, he told Alexander to stay put and went back into the coffee shop.

Alexander’s phone began to ring once again, this time it was Kitty.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you Alexander-”

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I’m your social worker, I’m supposed to keep you safe, and I’ve failed,” she sounded close to tears. “They’re going to take you back to Peter’s to get your things and then I’m going to meet you and take you to your new placement. It’s not the Washington’s yet, they’re both out of town on business trips, but when they get back, you’ll be going with them. I’m going to start an investigation into your cousin, too. He’s not going to get away with it.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologised once more and then, “I’ll see you later. Bye.”

“Bye.” He said and hung up. He felt better now. It was going to be alright. He was going to go back to the Washingtons and they could help him. They were going to help him feel better, help him get past Peter and they bullying. They were.

Alexander was silent the whole way back. He was dreading having to see Peter again, even though he knew he wasn’t going to hurt him.

Peter pretended to be happy when they reached home, pulling a terrified Alexander into a hug when they stepped into the house. He let go and Alexander was ushered through to his room by one of the officers, packing up his stuff as fast as they could, but when they started to leave, Peter looked extremely angry.

He lunged at Alexander when he appeared in the kitchen, so fast that nobody was able to react, pulling him into his grip. The officers were yelling something and Alexander heard a drawer open and something being pressed to the side of his head.

The officers were yelling louder now, and both of them had their guns out. But Peter seemed unfazed. When he spoke, Alexander nearly passed out from the fear that coursed through him.

“If you don’t leave, I’m going to shoot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry... again??? 
> 
> i have a tumblr now!!! Alexander-Ham1lton. i have no idea how to use it but still


	9. NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for suicide.

“Sir, you need to put the gun down,” one of the officers said slowly. “Put the gun down and let Alexander go.”

“Leave,” Peter growled. “Leave or I’ll do it. Don’t think I won’t.”

“Sir-”

“Just leave!” Alexander yelled, the panic and terror he was feeling showing in his voice. “Please! Just go!” He wanted to cry, but for some reason the tears wouldn’t come. He wanted to get away, to run away again from all of this but that’s what started it in the first place.

It was all Alexander’s fault.

“He’s gonna shoot me! Leave!” He screamed, but the officers still didn’t move, their guns pointing at him and Peter. “I don’t want to die!” And his voice sounded so small and child-like.

“You heard him. Get out. One… two…”

Alexander tensed.

Suddenly, Peter’s grip loosened on him and he was shoved forward, tripping over his own foot and landing hard on his wrist, sending shooting pain all up his arm. Confused, he climbed to his feet and cradled. his wrist to his chest, turning around as Peter put the gun to his own head.

“This is your fault, Alexander.”

He pulled the trigger.

Alexander screamed.

There was so much blood.

One of the officers was talking to him, pushing him through the kitchen and into the living room where he closed the door and sat him on one of the couches. The scream died away, turning into sobs. Peter was dead. Peter was dead and it was Alexander’s fault. The one family member that actually wanted something to do with him and Alexander had messed it up. He always messed it up. He made his mom sick, couldn’t get James to leave the house quick enough and now he had made Peter shoot himself.

“Hey,” the soft voice of the officer rose above his sobs. “Hey, everything’s going to be alright.”

Alexander didn’t respond. It wasn’t going to be alright. Peter had killed himself. He was going to go back into the system and the next house he went to was going to be just like the ones he had encountered in the past, with harsh parents who were only in it for the money. There was no way the Washingtons would want him back and he didn’t want to go back there either, they were good people and he didn’t want to hurt them. He always ended up hurting people.

When the emergency services arrived, a female paramedic gently led him out of the house, covering his eyes as they walked through the kitchen. But he knew what she was trying to shield him from and the image of Peter on the floor was back in his head and he was crying again. His fault. It was his fault.

“We’re going to take you back to the hospital to get your wrist checked out, honey,” the paramedic said as she helped him onto the gurney where he curled up into a tight ball. “Can I see it? We’ll be sending you up to x-ray when we get there, but I just want to check.”

Alexander regarded her for a few minutes before giving a quick shake of his head. He didn’t trust her. He didn’t deserve to get his wrist checked out anyway. He’d killed his cousin.

* * *

His wrist was broken. He sat in silence as they did his cast, shrugging when they asked him what colour he wanted it. He ended up with a light green, but he didn’t mind.

“If you wait here, I’m just going to go find you a doctor to take you down to the exam room,” the nurse who did his cast smiled, though he just stared blankly back. “They’re just going to check you over.”

Dread filled his stomach. No. They were going to find the bruises. He couldn’t let them. He was fine. He didn’t need to be checked he just needed to go home. No. He didn’t have a home now. He just needed to get away.

He contemplated running, but the doctor was quicker than he expected, entering the room before he was able to make the decision. The doctor approached the table he was sat on carefully, extending a hand that he didn’t take.

“We’re going to go down to the exam room now,” he said. “I’ll give you a quick check up and then we can see about getting you released. Your parents are waiting for you.”

Alexander flinched at the word ‘parents’. He was an orphan. His mom was dead and his dad was gone. He had foster parents, yes, but they weren’t, and never would be, his actual parents.

Still, he followed the doctor down the hallway and into the exam room where he sat on the table as instructed as she sorted out the scales. He was weighed, his height was checked and then he was back on the table with instructions to take his shirt off but he couldn’t bring himself to.

“Would you like me to step out quickly so you can do it?” The doctor asked. “Or do you need help unbuttoning?”

Alexander didn’t respond. Unbuttoning his shirt with one hand might prove a challenge, but he could do it. He just didn’t want to. He settled for shaking his head and the doctor regarded him for a moment before leaving the room.

He drew his legs to his chest, a sob escaping him. He wanted everything to stop.

The door opened again and he looked up, jumping off of the table when he saw who was stood in the doorway. The Washingtons. He ran into Mrs Washington’s arms, sobbing loudly.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” she said quietly, rubbing his back. “We’re here. Sorry we took so long.”

Alexander just cried.

Mrs Washington eventually straightened up and then Mr Washington was picking him up and carrying him over to the table where he sat him down gently.

“You’ve got to take your shirt off so the doctor can have a look,” he said slowly. “It’ll be quick, Alexander-”

_Alexander._

_This is your fault, Alexander._

“Don’t” he choked out. “Don’t call me Alexand-” he couldn’t bring himself to finish his name.

“Alright sweetie, alright,” Mrs Washington nodded. “Al? Alex? Xander?”

“Alex.”

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. We can do that.”

He let them unbutton his shirt for him and listened as they called the doctor back in. If they were shocked at the bruises, none of them showed it. Alex zoned out after that, following the instructions that the doctor gave him with no resistance. Soon, Mrs Washington was helping him back into his shirt and Mr Washington was talking to the doctor.

“There’s one thing I want to ask you about, Alex,” the doctor said once Alex was dressed, his eyes filled with pity. For once, Alex didn’t care. “And I think you already know. Was it your cousin?”

Alex nodded, wrapping his arms around himself as he avoided eye contact with the doctor and both the Washingtons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait but my brothers have been getting into a lot of fights recently so we had to switch placements (surprise!! I'm a foster kid!!) and it was very busy to be moving and trying to keep up on my college work for the week but everything is settled now so hopefully it'll only be a day or two between updates!
> 
> Tumblr: alexander-ham1lton


	10. TEN

The car ride home was pretty much silent. Alex was drowsy from the painkillers he was given for his arm just before they left the hospital and sat in the back of the car, leaning against Mr Washington half asleep. Mr Washington had his arm around Alex’s shoulders and held Alex’s good hand, giving it a small squeeze periodically.

When they finally pulled up to the house, Mr Washington untangled himself from Alex and climbed out, although Alex couldn’t muster the energy to unbuckle himself and get out. He closed his eyes, and suddenly found himself being picked up and lifted out of the car by Mr. Washington.

He felt himself being carried up the stairs, and his mind was too fuzzy to argue and he didn’t have the energy to wriggle out of Mr Washington’s grip so he just rested his head on his shoulder and let him be taken up to his room where he was laid gently on the bed, instinctively curling up into a ball.

“I’m going to take your shoes off, okay Alex?” Mrs Washington said gently. “I’m going to leave everything else. If you feel up to getting changed then you can, but you don’t have to.”

Alex felt her slip his shoes off and then cover him with the blanket, pressing a kiss to his head before she straightened up. He reached out, grabbing her sleeve as she turned to switch the light off.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” She frowned, and Alex didn’t speak but just shook his head. “You don’t want me to go?” Alex nodded. “Alright. Well I’m just going to turn the light off and then I’ll be right back. I’ll get George to bring up a beanbag chair from the living room.”

She left his side and Alex watched her call down the hall for Mr Washington to bring up the chair and then switch the light off. True to her word, she was back to Alex’s side as quickly as she could be, sitting on the edge of his bed and running her hands through his hair gently as she waited for Mr Washington.

When he arrived there was a little shuffling as they both sat down in the chairs (Alex wanted him to stay also) before the room settled into silence. Alex’s eyelids began to droop, and he fell asleep not long after.

* * *

Martha was surprised but relieved at how quickly Alex fell asleep. She was expecting him to fight it a little more, and so was George but other than not wanting them to leave the room, he didn’t have any problem drifting off to sleep although she was pretty confident that it was mostly attributed to the painkillers he had been given back at the hospital.

She had been out of town on a business trip when she got the call with Kitty speaking so fast down the phone that Martha could barely make out what she was saying. Once she had gotten Kitty to calm down a bit and tell her what was wrong, she cancelled the meetings she was supposed to have and called George who answered immediately. He had just got the call from Kitty too and they both made the decision to make their way back home and then drive up to the hospital Alex was at together.

She hated how long it took them to get there, and on the way there all she could think about was how terrified he must have been and that he was alone. She was even more frustrated when they finally got there and weren’t allowed to see Alex straight away and had to meet with an officer who explained what had happened and told them that he may have to give a statement in the next couple of days. Which she thought was ridiculous. They already knew what had happened, and getting Alex to relive it wasn't in his best interests. Not right now.

Martha had to hold back tears when they finally got to see him. He looked so small and fragile curled into himself on the table, but the look on his face when he realised that it was them and ran into her arms made all of the waiting worth it. She knew then that this boy was her son, and no matter what obstacles came after this she was going to take care of him through everything. Granted, she and George had felt like that as soon as they had met the boy, but the feeling was stronger.

And when he had taken off his shirt and they had found the bruises, her heart had shattered. His cousin had contacted CPS and had Alex taken away from a home he was just beginning to settle in to abuse him? It made her feel sick. The foster care system had completely failed Alex, and she was going to make sure it didn’t happen again.

Out of the two of them sitting by Alex’s bed, George was the first one to fall asleep, snoring softly. She felt her eyelids begin to droop after a couple of hours and fell asleep at around one in the morning.

She woke up a few hours later to Alex screaming.

* * *

  _“This is your fault, Alexander.” Peter growled._

_The trigger was pulled._

Alex shot up, a scream tearing itself from his throat. Beside him both Mr and Mrs Washington jumped up, and someone was on the bed and cradling him, rocking him back and forth as if he was a baby.

He screamed until his throat was sore and he couldn’t anymore, dissolving into a mess of sobs and whimpers. He could hear Mrs Washington talking to him, but he couldn't make out what she was saying. Peter’s voice was too loud. It was his fault. It was all his fault.

“It’s not,” He must have said it out loud because Mrs Washington’s voice was loud, firm but not angry. “It’s not your fault, Alex, none of this is. It’s your cousin’s fault, honey.”

“He said it was mine,” he whimpered, and Mrs Washington’s grip tightened on him. “I ran away. I–”

“Alex,” Mr Washington spoke, and Alex looked up to see him sat at the end of the bed. “Peter was a horrible horrible man and what he did to you was not okay. None of it was your fault. Like Martha said, it was his, and I want you to start telling yourself that.”

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” Alex whimpered after a moment of silence. “I want to go back home!” He wailed. “I want mama and Jemmy and- and-” he tapered off into sobs.

Mrs Washington was rocking him again, shushing him. He didn’t know how long they sat like that until Mr Washington appeared with a glass and some sleeping pills for Alex. At first, he resisted taking them, terrified to go back to sleep but after around twenty minutes of coaxing, he finally gave in. His wrist was hurting and his head was hurting and he just wanted to rewind time to before everything went to shit and he was happy and carefree.

He swallowed the pills with the aid of water and stayed in Mrs Washington’s embrace until he fell asleep once more.

* * *

“We need to talk,” Martha whispered to George after they had managed to get Alex back off to sleep. She shifted so that he was laying on his own and gently covered him with the blanket. “Do you still have the number of that therapist we were going to take him to see originally?”

“Yes,” George nodded, pulling out his phone. “Do you want me to call and make an appointment?”

“Not just yet,” Martha shook her head. “But eventually yes. I think we need to give him a couple of days. And it’s going to be rough, but we can’t let him down. Not after everyone else who he’s stayed with since he came to America has.”

“Coming to America was supposed to make that kid’s life better,” George said through gritted teeth. Martha could feel the anger flare up in her at those words. “And everyone failed him. Pretty much everyone he’s known since he came to America has failed him in some way. Even us. We should never have let Kitty take him away. He’s our _son_ and we let him go and look what happened–”

“I know, George, I know,” Martha was dangerously close to breaking down into tears as her husband pulled her into a hig. “And we can’t let it happen again. We can’t. Alex is our son, and we have to protect him. Nobody is going to fail that boy ever again, I swear on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while.
> 
> Thank you for 200 kudos!!
> 
> Tumblr: Alexander-Ham1lton
> 
> Until next time.


	11. ELEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter just wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. This is the fifth draft now, and I'm somewhat happy with it so here you go!!

Mrs Washington entered his room for the third time, checking to see if he was awake. Alex had woken up and hour or so before the Washingtons, but every time they came into his room he pretended to be asleep. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. He didn’t want to do anything.

“Alex, honey,” Mrs Washington shook his shoulder gently, and he opened his eyes slowly, rolling onto his back and letting out a little groan like he had just woken up. “It’s nearly one in the afternoon. I’ve made you lunch. Do you want me to bring it up for you?”

The thought of food made Alex’s stomach churn. He wasn’t hungry, and eating didn’t sound like the best thing to him right now. He wasn’t sure why; he hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, but for some reason, his will to do anything had disappeared.

“No,” he muttered, shaking his head. “‘M not hungry.”

“You’ve got to be hungry,” Mrs Washington responded as Alex sat up, propping himself up with pillows. “You haven’t eaten since at least yesterday afternoon, and even so, you need to eat anyway. We need to get your weight up. You were skinny enough before you went to go live with your cousin, and you’ve gotten even more skinnier over that time–”

“I’m not hungry.” He repeated. He knew he was skinny, the kids at school teased him about it constantly, but it wasn’t his fault that Peter hadn’t fed him properly. Besides, skipping one meal wouldn’t hurt him. He’d probably start to feel hungry soon, and he’d be hungry by dinner so-

“Alex,” Mrs Washington interrupted his thoughts. “Come on, let’s get you out of bed and downstairs to eat.”

He didn’t fight against her when she got him out of bed and guided him downstairs, hands on his shoulders. He sat at his place at the table where Mr Washington was sat eating his lunch and reading the newspaper.

“Good afternoon, Alex,” he greeted as they entered the kitchen. “Did you sleep better with those pills?”

“Yes sir,” Alex nodded, resisting the urge to bolt back upstairs and lock himself in his room. He wanted to be doing anything rather than talking right now. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Mr Washington smiled. “And you know that you can just call me George, right?”

“Huh?”

“You can just call me George,” he repeated. “And you can call Martha by her first name. I mean, you don’t have to, call us whatever you feel comfortable with.”

“It’s just- I- you never said to call you anything in particular, and I didn’t want to upset you,” Alex shrugged, stating down at the plate Mrs Wash- Martha - had just placed in front of him.

“Once you’ve eaten, do you want to come and get the dogs with George and I?” She asked as she sipped a cup of tea she had made herself. “We put them in a kennel before we left for our trips, but now we’re home early, we can go and get them.”

They were supposed to be on business trips. Alex felt the guilt run through him. They were supposed to be on business trips and he wasn’t supposed to be here and it was all his fault. They had to cancel their trips just to be with him. What if it was important?

“I-I’m sorry,” he choked out, holding back tears. The two just stared at him in confusion, George moving a seat closer and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Your trips. It’s my fault you had to come home early. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, Alex, it wasn’t your fault,” George said. “You needed us, and we would put you before our jobs any day.”

Alex didn’t know what to say. Only his mama ever put him over her job. Peter and every other foster parent he had had put their jobs before him. Whenever they got called out of work to collect him from school they would complain to him about it because ‘they were losing pay’ or ‘they didn’t see why they should be called out of work because of his misbehaviour’ and how ‘they didn’t get enough money for him to be missing work because he couldn’t control himself.’

“Thank you.” He finally mumbled, pushing the scrambled eggs around his plate absentmindedly.

“It’s alright,” George smiled. “So are you up to getting the dogs with us?” Alex nodded.

Alex wouldn’t have eaten had it not been for the Washingtons watching his every move, encouraging him to eat more. He couldn’t taste the food, but he became full after only a few mouthfuls, though he carries on eating. He only made it halfway through his food when he couldn’t eat anymore, and after taking some painkillers for his wrist, which had really started to hurt, he headed back upstairs.

As much as he wanted to dive under the covers and hide from the world he forced himself to get changed, tossing his clothes on the floor. He attempted to put his hair up, but being unable to use one of his hands proved a challenge.

“Need help, honey?” He turned to see Martha in the doorway. “Here, hand me your brush. What do you want? Ponytail? Bun?”

“Ponytail,” he said, and Martha gently brushed through his hair and pulled it up. “Thank you.”

“That’s alright,” she said, taking his hand. “George is waiting for us downstairs.”

He let himself be led downstairs, even though he just wanted to hide away. He was surprised that he had gotten out of bed with the way he was feeling, but he supposed he couldn’t just mope around forever. Besides, there were people who had things much worse than him and they still managed to get through their day.

“We need to talk to you Alex,” George said as everyone got into the car and buckled up. Alex stiffened. “It’s nothing bad,” George reassured as he began to drive. “It’s just that remember you were going to visit a therapist before you left? Well, we’d like to set up another appointment. Would that be okay?”

“No.” Alex said, almost inaudible. After the one he was referred to back at his old school, he didn’t want to visit another one. Admittedly, it was his fault that the therapist got so annoyed at him, because he wouldn’t talk much, but in most of the sessions she was just rude and Alex left the office feeling worse than he already did.

He didn’t need a therapist anyway. Didn’t deserve one. He had killed his cousin. Not directly, but it was his actions that led up to it. Because of him Peter was dead.

“Alex,” Martha pulled him from his thoughts, turning around to look at him. “Are you sure? We’re not going to force you to go but–”

“No.” Alex repeated.

“Okay,” Martha nodded. “Okay. We won’t make you go, but if you change your mind, then just tell George or I and we can set you up an appointment.”

Alex stared out of the window for the rest of the car ride. He knew George and Martha had asked him questions a couple of times, but he hadn’t listened and he didn’t respond.

He had done a good job of pushing Peter out of his mind this morning, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Peter yelling at him. The punches he threw. The gun shot. The blood. Peter on the kitchen floor.

He began to sob.

“Alex?” Martha asked, her voice full of concern. There was the sound of a car door opening, then shutting and the opening again. Then there were arms around him. “Hey. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

He didn’t even bother to respond. Just lean into her hug and cry. Even when George and the dogs came back into the car, he cried. But they sat there, in the parking lot until he had calmed down, wiping away his tears.

“I think,” he sniffled, and Martha rubbed calming circles on his back. “I think I might need that appointment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: Alexander-ham1lton


	12. TWELVE

Alex was typing furiously into a word document. The past two days had been rough. He had gotten barely any sleep, his dreams turning to the same nightmare of that night, even with the pills that the Washingtons offered him, and his appetite was completely gone. However, instead of lying in bed like he had done the first day, Alex had taken to being as productive as possible to distract himself. Anything to avoid focusing on his thoughts.

“Alex, hon, are you ready?” Martha asked, knocking on his door. “George is waiting in the car for us.”

“Ready for what?” Alex asked, not taking his eyes off the laptop screen.

“Your appointment is today,” Suddenly the lid to his laptop was closing and Martha was handing him a pair of sneakers. “It’s raining a little bit, so grab a coat on the way to the car.”

She left, leaving Alex alone. He slipped on the sneakers and grabbed his phone from the spot he left it on the nightstand. His screen kept lighting up with messages from the group chat, but he ignored them. He didn’t know how to tell them what had happened, so he just put it off. Pocketing the phone, he left his room and made his way out to the car, grabbing a coat as per Martha’s instructions just before he stepped out of the door.

Climbing into the car, he buckled up before pulling out his phone and opening the Microsoft Word app he had, opening up the document he was working on on his laptop.

“What’re you doing, bud?” George asked as Martha began to drive.

“Writing.” Alex mumbled.

“Writing?”

“Yeah. An essay.”

“Huh,” George chuckled, and Alex missed the look that George and Martha shared. “Sounds like you’re having fun. You’ve been working on it all day?”

“He was working on it after breakfast up until I went to go and get him for this,” Martha added. “So yeah. We’d love to read it once you’ve finished it, Alex.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. He wasn’t sure that he wanted people reading his things. He doubted they would read it anyway. They’d probably just skim over it and tell him it was good. Both of them were treading on eggshells around him at the moment, not that he blamed them. If he was in their position, he would probably do it too, it wasn’t their fault.

The car ride was mostly silent after that. George turned on the radio at some point, humming along to it. Martha concentrated on driving and Alex stared down at his phone, thumb flying.

They eventually pulled up to the therapist office and Alex unbuckled and got out of the car without even looking up. One of the Washingtons - he didn’t know which one, he wasn’t looking - pulled his hood up for him as they made their way across the parking lot and he gave them a mumbled thanks.

The waiting room, in Alex’s opinion, was far too cheery. Each wall was painted a different, bright, colour and pictures of smiling children and adults were on the walls. In the corner was a little station of toys and also magazines. Martha and George both grabbed a magazine and took a seat. Alex continued to work on his essay, although his anxiety was making it hard for him to concentrate.

“Alexander Hamilton?”

Alex looked up as his name was called, his grip tightening on his phone as a man slowly made his way over to them, extending a hand to George and Martha before smiling at Alex.

“I’m Ned, and you must be Alexander.” He said. Alex nodded.

“He prefers Alex.” George cut in and Alex sent him an appreciative look.

“Alright. That’s okay,” Ned nodded. “Now, Alex, would you like to come through to my office so we can talk?”

Alex stood and followed Ned silently into his office. Thankfully, it wasn’t as colourful or cramped as the waiting room, with pale yellow walls, a desk, a couch and a few potted plants dotted around the room.

“Take a seat on the couch,” Ned said as he took his place behind his desk. Alex did as instructed, perching on the edge of the couch. “Now, I want you to know that this is a safe place, OK? I’m not going to tell your foster parents or your social worker anything unless I think that you’re a danger to yourself and others,” he paused. “I can take notes or I can record our sessions, which would you prefer?”

“Notes.” Alex muttered, staring down at the carpet. He didn’t really care, but taking notes would probably be easier for Ned so he decided to go for that option.

“I want to use this session as a getting to know you sort of thing,” Ned smiled. “Tell me a little bit about yourself.”

Alex was silent for a minute while he tried to figure out what to say. He couldn’t just go into the whole tragic backstory thing, not right away anyway, but he didn’t really have much to say. Not to a therapist.

“Um, I’m twelve,” he said eventually. “I’m from Nevis.”

“The Caribbean?” Ned asked. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah.”

“So,” Ned said, writing something down on his notepad before moving to flick through some paperwork on his desk. “How are you finding it living with the Washingtons?”

“They’re the best placement I’ve had,” Alex admitted, fiddling with the zip on his jacket. “I like their dogs.”

“Their dogs?” Ned chuckled.

“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “I mean, love all three of them, but Vulcan’s my favourite. He sleeps in my room and I take him for walks a lot.”

“Okay. Do you have any friends?”

“Yeah,” Alex shrugged. He hadn’t talked to them in a couple of days, but he wasn’t going to tell Ned that. “I met them at school and they’re really cool.”

“What else do you like other than dogs?”

“Uh,” Alex shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had already talked enough and he just wanted to go back home to work on his essay. Of course, this distracted him too (until he would inevitably have to talk about what had happened) but he felt more comfortable writing an essay than talking to a complete stranger about himself. “Writing. I write a lot I guess.”

“Were you writing something on your phone in the waiting room?” Ned asked and Alex could hear the scratching of his pen. “You looked like you were concentrating pretty hard. Must be hard writing with one hand.” He gestured to Alex's cast.

“Yeah.”

“What was it?”

“Just an essay,” Alex shrugged. “About the economy.”

“The economy?” Ned repeated. “Wow. Is it for school?”

“No.”

“Hm,” Alex looked up to see Ned frowning at him slightly. “How come you’re writing it?”

“To…” Alex trailed off. Unsure of whether he should tell Ned the real reason or not. If he did it would just lead to questions he wouldn’t particularly want to answer. “Well, just for fun, I guess.”

“Well, Alex, I think that’s our time for today,” Ned said, glancing at the clock on the wall behind Alex. “Next session we’ll talk about things that have happened recently–”

“I don’t want to.”

“Huh?”

“I know what you’re going to make me talk about and I-I don’t want to.”

He knew it was his decision to come here, and he knew he would have to talk about his cousin eventually, but even just thinking about it brought the wave of unmotivation and sadness crashing down over him. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not at all.

“Alex,” Ned leaned forward in his chair. “We all have to do things we don’t want to do, and I can tell that what happened has affected you. I’m not going to force you to talk about it when I see you next, but I’d prefer that we did so that we can start finding ways to make it easier for you to cope. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to help you feel a lot better, okay?”

“Okay.”

Alex left the office not feeling any better than he had this morning, but he was hoping that with his next session things would improve. He’d like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: Alexander-Ham1lton


	13. THIRTEEN

Alex was silent in the car on the way back. He had turned his phone off after the groupchat was being spammed with messages and he’d accidentally tapped the notification, opening it up. When his friends had seen that Alex had read the messages, they began asking him questions. Why he hadn’t been on much, how everything was going with Peter, did he want to Skype? And he didn’t know how to answer them, so he decided to just ignore them, but the messages kept on coming and coming and in the end he decided to switch his phone off.

“What’s up, Alex?” George asked, turning around from the front passenger seat to face him. “You look upset.”

“No, I just-” Alex shook his head, blinking back tears. “I- I want need to tell my friends but I don’t know how and I haven’t messaged them in a couple of days and I guess they’re worried because they keep asking questions and I–”

“Hey, take a deep breath, bud,” George interrupted, and Alex did as he was told. “Why don’t you invite them over for the afternoon? They could even stay for dinner if they wanted to. Martha and I can explain what happened, and you don’t have to be there whilst we tell them.”

“Okay,” Alex nodded, turning his phone back on. “Okay I can– I’ll do that.”

He waited for his phone to load before opening up the Messenger app where he quickly typed out a message inviting them to the Washington’s house in an hour. Once they had all agreed, he muted the chat in order to avoid the new wave of questions he knew was going to come.

When they got back to the house, he retreated once again up to his room, leaving the essay he was working on earlier in favour of fighting people in the comment sections of news articles.

It wasn’t too long before there was a knock at the door and Alex left his room, hesitating on the stairs as he saw his friends in the doorway. Once they caught sight of him, however, they rushed over, engulfing him in an awkward hug.

“Be careful on the staircase, boys,” George chuckled, watching them fondly. It wasn’t long before the dogs came charging towards the huddle and they were forced to move, joining George. “Okay, now I know you all have a lot of questions about why Alex is here again, so Martha and I would like to explain it to you,” he turned to Alex, placing a hand gently on his shoulder as Martha ushered the boys into living room. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said quietly, staring at the floor. “Can you just send them up to my room once you’ve told them? Or call me down?”

“Sure,” George patted his shoulder. “I’ll bring them up once we’re done talking.”

The wait seemed to take forever. Alex paced his room anxiously, chewing the inside of his cheeks. He didn’t know how much they were telling them. Were they going to mention the abuse? Just the suicide? The nightmares How were his friends going react? Would they–

“Alex?”

He spun around to see his friends in the doorway.

There was silence for a couple of seconds, and no one moved, before John practically launched himself at Alex, almost knocking him the the ground. And then Hercules and Laf joined in and Alex was crying on someone’s shoulder but he wasn’t sure whos.

“I’m sorry,” Alex hiccuped once he had finally stopped crying. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t know how.”

“It’s okay, mon ami,” Lafayette soothed. “We’re just glad you're safe. We’re not mad at you for it. How could we be?”

“I just–” Alex paused to wipe his tears away. “I don’t want to talk about it, and I didn’t invite you over to watch me cry so can we– do you want to watch a film or something downstairs?”

Martha and George provided snacks and blankets for the boys and they huddled up on the couch to watch Tangled. Lafayette stretched across the three of them, and Hercules was leaning on John and John on Alex. When he got up to refill his drink and looked back at them, all intently watching the film, he had to blink back tears. He’d never had people his age who’d liked him, not voluntarily anyway. He usually got on with his foster siblings, or tried to.

“Alex, do you need help pouring that?” Martha asked, getting up from her seat at the kitchen table when she saw him struggling to refill his drink with one hand. “Here,” she took it from him and began to pour. “How’s it going?”

“Thank you,” Alex said. “And good,” he paused, frowning slightly. “I want to go back to school.”

“Do you?” Martha was frowning too. “Honey, I’m not sure that’s the best of ideas. Not right now, anyway,” she said. “We’ll talk about it properly another time, but for now,” she handed him his cup. “Go and watch your movie.”

In total, they watched two movies before dinner. Even though they had been eating snacks all through the afternoon the boys attacked their food as if they’d barely eaten all day. Even Alex managed to clear his plate, although he didn’t go back for seconds like the rest.

“We were thinking,” George said, taking a sip of his water. “Do you guys want to have a sleepover, we have a couple of airbeds we can blow up and put in the living room, and someone can take the couch.”

Alex froze. Martha seemed to notice because she excused herself and led him out of the kitchen, into the hallway before crouching down to his level.

“What’s the matter?”

“My nightmares,” Alex said quickly. “I–I’m going to have them and I’ll wake them up.”

“We explained it to them earlier,” Martha said. “And I’m sure they won’t mind. We’ll just make sure that they come and get either me or George, alright?”

Alex agreed to it but still wasn’t convinced that having his friends to sleep was the best idea, masking his anxiety. They played video games and watched more films, staying up into the early hours of the morning, after George and Martha had gone to bed before they fell asleep.

Lafayette was the first to, then Hercules, then John. Alex found himself staring up at the ceiling, the airbed shifting beneath him as he repositioned himself from lying on his side. He eventually fell asleep, but as predicted, didn’t stay asleep.

But when he woke up screaming, his friends were instantly there. Lafayette and John hugging and soothing him whilst Hercules dashed up the stairs to get the Washingtons. He apologised and apologised and apologised, trying to get his breathing and crying under control, but they didn’t mind.

The Washingtons came and Martha held Alex whilst George took Alex’s friends into the kitchen for hot chocolate.

Alex knew then that he wasn’t always destined to be a lonely foster kid who no one cared about, floating around in the system with no goal or ambition.

He was loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to say too much but I screwed up my placement so I'm getting moved again and this time it's just me, not my brothers. So yeah, the next update might take a while, but I'll try to get it to you as soon as I can. Please understand if it takes a while though.
> 
> Thanks for reading and holy moley nearly 300 kudos and over 100 people subscribed??? It's so crazy. THANK YOU!!!
> 
> Tumblr: Alexander-ham1lton (I might rant on here a lot in the next few days, so if you're following/are going to follow me, sorry!!!)


	14. FOURTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for reference to suicide

Two weeks passed. Alex had two more sessions with Ned where instead of talking about his cousin like they were supposed to they focused on his nightmares which seemed to be getting worse and worse, with Alex refusing to sleep some nights. Ned had suggesting rehearsing the nightmare in his head before he went to sleep but the change the ending to what he wanted it to be apparently it would help.

As far as Alex was concerned, the best thing to do was pretend that nothing had happened. Peter wanted it to ruin his life. Peter wanted Alex to feel guilty for the whole thing. But Alex couldn’t give him the satisfaction. It worked to an extent, or at least until he fell asleep.

When he got home from his latest session he ate lunch and retreated back to his room where he worked on another essay he was writing until he was called down to dinner.

“Alex, we wanted to talk to you about going back to school,” George started. “If we let you, would you like to try going back tomorrow?”

“Yes!” Alex almost yelled, eyes wide. “Are you serious? I-I thought you were going to wait a bit longer. I was looking into how to enroll myself on to online courses because you were taking so long to–”

“Well, it’s only if you get a good night of sleep,” George interrupted. “And if we let you, you have to promise that you’ll call one of us if you need to come home for whatever reason.”

“I promise,” Alex nodded. He had been asking to go back to school since the sleepover but they just kept telling him that he needed more time and that they needed to think about it. But staying at home was giving Alex more time to think about everything, and he just wanted the distraction that school would bring. “Thank you.”

“Also, there’s something else we need to talk to you about,” Martha said. “After what you told us last night about telling Kitty about everything we called CPS today and told them,” she took a deep breath, and Alex found himself trying to remember what exactly he had told them. “She’s been removed from your case and you have a new worker.”

“I-I don’t remember telling you anything,” Alex frowned. “When did I tell you? What did I tell you?”

“It was just after you had woken up from a nightmare,” George answered. “Martha asked why you hadn’t told anyone and you said that you had told Kitty but she hadn’t done anything–”

“But you didn’t have to tell anyone,” Alex mumbled, pushing his food around his plate. “I liked Kitty.”

“We know you did,” Martha said softly. “But Alex, she should have done something about what you told her. Maybe if she would have acted then then none of this would have happened.”

“It’s not her fault,” He shrugged, still refusing to make eye contact. “Can’t you call again and get her back? I don’t want a new worker.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Was all Martha said and they finished their dinner in silence before Alex took a shower and settled down to bed.

As he led there, he repeated his dream over and over, only this time Peter didn’t shoot. He dropped the gun, got arrested and then Alex was returned to the Washingtons and he never had to see Peter ever again.

He could only hope that this time it actually worked and he could go to school the next day.

* * *

 

Alex awoke just before his alarm clock went off, eyes wide and breathing heavy. The technique hadn’t worked, and he sat up, trying not to cry. At least this time he hadn’t woken up anytime through the night, and he hadn’t woken up screaming either. He would be able to trick George and Martha into letting him go to school, and he was excited.

He heard a knock at his door and sat up as Martha entered, switching on the light before crossing the room to Alex’s bed.

“You didn’t wake up during the night,” she smiled. “Every time George and I came in to check on you, you were fast asleep. Did you dream?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “But, uh, Ned’s technique. I think it worked.” He lied. “So I can go to school?”

“I don’t see why not,” Martha nodded. “You set about getting ready. George will put your hair up if that’s what you want, and I’ll go start on breakfast.”

Alex did as he was told, getting changed quickly. George and Martha had kept all of his schoolbooks when he was at Peter’s and a piece of paper with his schedule on it was still in a draw in his desk. He pulled it out and packed his bag accordingly before he went to eat breakfast.

Neither George or Martha seemed to pleased that Alex was going to school, but they didn’t try to stop him because they had to keep their word. They had said he could go so he was (although he had lost count of the amount of times that Martha had asked him if he was sure he really wanted to go). Alex reassured them that he would call them if anything happened, reciting both of their phone numbers so that they knew he could reach them even if he, for some reason, lost his phone.

After letting his friends know that he was returning he said goodbye to the dogs and followed both of the Washingtons out to the car. He didn’t know why they were making such a fuss about him going to school, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. He was going and that was all that mattered.

“If something happens or you just need to come home, what do you do?” George asked once again as he parked.

“I call one of you or go to the office to get then to call you,” Alex said. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“Have a good day.”

“You too.” And then Alex was out of the car and making his way across the parking lot.

He went to the office to find out where his locker was and then put some of his stuff in there and waited for his friends next to it after sending the number to the group chat.

“Hamilton!”

He looked up as someone called his name, his stomach dropping as his gaze settled on a familiar figure. George King, a kid from his old school who had relentlessly teased him, was leaning against a locker on the other side of the hall.

“I heard what happened to Peter. Are you going to make me kill myself too?"

Alex backed up against the lockers, his good hand to his ear. He couldn't block him out. Not with his other arm in a cast. He shouldn't have come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your support. I love you all <3
> 
> Fun fact: The nightmare thing is exactly what I used to do. It does work eventually, but it takes a while.
> 
> Tumblr: Alexander-Ham1lton


	15. FIFTEEN

Alex was running. Alex had punched George King in the face and now he was running, shoving through the crowds of students heading to class as the bell rang. He ran out of the building, across the car park and out of the school gates.

He didn’t pay attention to the turns he was taking and ended up in a park that he had no idea how to get back home from. Holding back the sobs, he sat on one of the benches with his head in his hands and tried to catch his breath so that he could figure out what he could do next.

In all fairness, George King had deserved it - he had called Alex’s mother a whore and asked Alex if he had killed her too - but Alex didn’t know how the Washingtons were going to react to what he had done. The last time that he had gotten into a fight had ended in a beating and although he knew in the back of his mind that the Washingtons would never do it, the fear that they would was still very real and Alex was struggling to dismiss it.

Unzipping his backpack he pulled out a box of painkillers that Martha had insisted he took in case his wrist began hurting during a lesson. He took two to help with the throbbing of his knuckles and then let his backpack drop the the ground, staring at the pocket that had his phone in it. He knew he had to call the Washingtons and explain what happened before the school realised he was gone and called them themselves but he didn’t want to.

With a deep breath, he grabbed his phone from the front pockets and typed in his passcode with a shaking hand. Pulling up the contact list, he had to take another deep breath and blink back tears as he debated just calling his new social worker, telling them what happened instead. It would save a call from the Washingtons to them asking for Alex to be picked up.

Before he could completely talk himself out of it (he was doing a good job already), Alex tapped on Martha’s number and dialled, anxiety bubbling up in his stomach as it rang.

“Alex, what’s the matter?” Martha answered.

“I need you to pick me up,” Alex said quietly. “But I- I don’t know where I am exactly.”

“What do you mean? Aren’t you at school?” And when Alex didn’t respond. “Honey, George and I aren’t going to be mad at what ever has happened.”

“I’m at a park,” Alex told her. “But I don’t know where. I think it’s by the school but I don’t know. I got panicked and I ran but I wasn’t paying attention to where I was running.”

“Do you know your way back to the school, bud? Could you walk back?” This time it was George speaking and Alex realised he must be on speaker.

“No,” Alex admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” George said. “I think I know where you are. Stay there. We won’t be long. Would you like to stay on the phone?”

“Mhm.”

And Alex sat on the park bench for a little over twenty minutes as the Washingtons came to collect him, talking with them on the phone about anything other than what had happened. When he finally saw them he didn’t move from the bench he was sat on, head bowed as Martha ran over, engulfing him in a hug.

“What happened to your hand?” She asked, holding it out and examining his knuckles which were bruised.

“I punched someone.” Alex whispered.

“You what?” Martha asked, taken aback. She paused for a moment and Alex felt as if he was going to throw up. “Okay. It’s okay. We’re not mad, Alex. Can you tell us what happened?”

“He was from my old school and he told me that- that it was my fault Peter… did what he did,” Alex’s voice began to wobble and his eyes filled with tears, a few which ran down his cheeks. “and then he called my mom a whore and he said that I probably killed her too.”

Martha wiped away the tears that had fallen whilst he was speaking, straightening up from her crouched position. She offered Alex her hand and George collected Alex’s backpack, swinging it over his shoulder.

“I’m going to take you home,” George said. “And Martha is going to go back to the school and get this all sorted out because we’re not going to let this boy get away with what he did.”

“So you’re not going to send me away?” Alex took Martha’s offered hand and they began to make their way to the car.

“We wouldn’t dream of it,” George ruffled Alex’s hair. “But Alex, you understand that you can’t just punch people, hm?”

“I know,” Alex nodded, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“We’ll let you off this time,” Martha said. “I trust it won’t happen again.”

After Alex promised that it wouldn’t, the three made their way back to the car. They dropped Martha off, with George telling her to call him when she was done so that he could come and pick her up and Martha telling Alex that she would make sure George King got in trouble for what he had said. Then it was off home where Alex settled on the couch with all of the dogs and a bag of frozen peas covering his hand.

George gave Alex the option of staying home or going with him to collect Martha. Not wanting to disturb the dogs, he declined and stayed home, flicking through the channels. When Martha came home, she didn’t look impressed when she told Alex that he had had the rest of the week off because he was suspended although George King only had two days.

Apparently, according to the principal, George King shouldn’t have been punished because there was no proof that he had said the things he did to Alex but there was obvious proof that Alex had punched George King. If Martha hadn’t have kicked up a fuss, he wouldn’t have been punished at all which she said was probably because of the amount of money his father was donating to the school.

Alex couldn’t help but be disappointed that he had to stay off school. He had only just been allowed back and now he had to stay off for even longer and would he easily be able to convince the Washingtons again?

“Would I be able to have my friends round sometime?” Alex asked. “I mean, I was really looking forward to seeing them today but, well, y’know.”

“Sure,” George nodded. “Just let us know when they’re coming.”

Over the weeks he had off, Alex had plenty of time to think about his friends. Recently, his mind had been turning to John more than he would like to admit and he tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach whenever they messaged each other outside of the group chat or whenever John changed his profile picture.

He wondered if the Washingtons would mind him inviting over just John. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to get into the lams!!
> 
> This chapter took me way too long & it's super bad but I wanted to get something posted. I'm so sorry.
> 
> Tumblr: Alexander-ham1lton


	16. SIXTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alEX AND JOHN SITTING IN A TREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy it's been a while

“It’s Alex’s first date–”

“It’s not a date, George!” Alex groaned, covering his face in embarrassment as they pulled up to John’s house. “We’re just going to the movies and getting food afterwards. As friends.”

“Stop teasing him,” Martha tutted, hitting George on the arm playfully. “Alex do you want to go and knock on the door?”

Alex got out, and the door was opened before he even got there and John stepped out, giving Alex a small wave.

“Your hair looks nice today,” John complimented. “I mean, it always looks nice but just today it looks nicer?” Alex noticed his cheeks had reddened, but put it down to the chill in the air. “Yeah, I like your hair today.”

“Thank you,” Alex smiled. “I like your shirt.”

“Thanks,” John said. “Laf, Herc and I have missed you at school. But you punching King was totally worth it. It’s hard to be intimidating when you have a black eye given to you by someone way smaller than you.”

Alex laughed. He wasn’t that much smaller than King, but he didn’t bother pointing it out.

“By the way,” he said as they went to get in George’s car. “If George says anything, just ignore him. I think he’s trying to be as embarrassing as possible.”

“Dads do that,” John shrugged. Alex didn’t correct him. “Don’t worry.”

They got in and Martha made sure that they buckled themselves in before George began to drive. John filled Alex in on everything that had happened in the days that he hadn’t been at school.

“Where are you going to sit in the movie theater, John?” George interrupted as they pulled into the car park.

“I don’t know sir,” John replied. “Probably somewhere in the middle if Alex is okay with it.”

“Good.”

“Why’d you want to know that?” Alex frowned.

“Well how are Martha and I going to keep an eye on you if you’re sat at the back?”

“George!” Martha sighed. “Boys, have fun. Alex, call us when you’re done eating and we’ll come get you.”

“No kissing! Alex can’t date until he’s 16!” George yelled after them and Alex could feel himself going red in the face with embarrassment.

“See what I mean?” He groaned. “I don’t know why he’s being like that.”

“As I said earlier, dads do that,” John shrugged. “It’s just a bit of fun. If you want it to stop, just pretend it doesn’t bother you. He lives for your reaction.”

“George isn’t really my dad, though.” Alex said quietly.

“Not biologically, but he may as well be,” John said. “He’s acting like it.”

“He’s acting like a child,” Alex giggled, rolling his eyes and then, to change the subject. “Shall we go get the tickets and popcorn? Should we even get popcorn if we’re going to eat aft–”

“We can’t not get popcorn, Alex!” John gasped, grabbing Alex by his wrist and dragging him to the counter. “Two tickets to Moana and a large salted popcorn, please.”

When Alex went to hand over the money, John stopped him and paid for both the tickets and popcorn with his own money. He handed Alex the tickets and grabbed the bucket of popcorn and then Alex followed him over to the person who checked their tickets and they found the screen and entered.

“I didn’t pay for my ticket,” he protested and John waved a hand signalling it didn’t matter. “Fine. But I’m getting the food afterward.”

“That’s fair,” John nodded. “But I have enough for the food too. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Why would I offer if I didn’t want to?”

“Well Herc offers us some of his lunch food and then gets mad when we say yes,” John laughed. “So…”

“Yeah, but Herc’s weird.” Alex grinned.

Moana became Alex and John’s favourite movie and they left the movie theater talking animatedly about their favourite characters. John liked Moana whilst Alex had decided his favourite was Heihei.

“He’s just a chicken!” John exclaimed as they walked into the restaurant.

“Exactly,” Alex said. “But he was funny.”

“So was Tamatoa.”

“He’s my second favourite,” Alex smiled. “He was cool.”

“So where does Moana come on your list then?” John asked, leaning forward across the table.

“She’s up there with Heihei,” Alex said. “I’ve said that already–”

“No you didn’t! You just said Heihei!”

They talked about the film until they got their food when the discussion turned back to school and how excited they were for the winter break. Alex wasn’t too excited, because he’d had enough time off to last him a lifetime but John couldn’t wait.

Alex called Martha once he had paid and they sat on a bench outside the movie theater. He had to admit that John looked really good today. But come to think of it, Alex had never seen John look bad. Not once. Maybe it just wasn’t possible for John to look bad.

“Are you really not able to date until you’re 16?” John asked after a minute of silence when the conversation had died off.

“I think he was just joking,” Alex shrugged. “I dunno. We’ve never talked about it.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“I was just wondering,” Alex noticed that John was blushing. “It’s a long time to wait.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed. “But I’m sure he was joking. He’s just trying to embarrass me–”

And John cut him off, moving towards Alex. It wasn’t until John began to kiss him that Alex realised what he was doing, at first thinking that John was trying to headbutt him or something. Kissing was the last thing on his mind.

“That was… nice.” He mumbled as they pulled apart.

“Mhm. Just don’t tell George.” John laughed.

Alex’s phone went off.

From George: What did I tell you about kissing?

“Al,” John said. “Is that your parents’ car?”

“Fuuuuuuuuu–"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some humour??? Idk I tried. I'm kind of in a slump with writing at the moment and it's so frustrating. So this is the best I could do.
> 
> (Fact: With my first kiss I also believed the boy was going to headbutt me. A kiss was a welcome surprise).
> 
> BUT!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I'M GETTING ADOPTED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


	17. SEVENTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and John are so awkward and I love them
> 
> I'm so anxious about posting this chapter and I don't even know why bc nothing bad happens IT'S ALL FLUFF

The ride home was awkward. John and Alex sat in the back together, heads bowed and cheeks flushed with embarrassment, not even daring to look at each other. John practically threw himself from the car when they pulled up to his house, shouting a hurried goodbye over his shoulder.

As soon as the front door was opened, Alex flew upstairs, locking himself in his room as he tried to prepare what he was going to tell the Washingtons. Maybe he just wouldn't tell them anything; they already knew now, what was the point in stressing himself about about telling them if he didn’t need to?

“Alex, can we talk?” George’s voice came from the other side of the door.

“About what?”

“About you and John, of course,” George said. “Alex, you realise that we don’t care at all about who you like.”

Alex let out a breath, closing his eyes. Of course they didn’t care. They didn’t really seem to care about anything, well, except for him and each other of course, Alex could do pretty much anything and they would be fine with it he guessed. It was weird and he wasn’t used to it yet but he wasn’t complaining.

He unlocked his door, coming face to face with George who pulled him into a tight hug. Alex didn’t say anything, just hugged George back.

“You know nothing that you could do would make us stop loving you, right?” George mumbled. “Martha and I love you no matter what.”

“I’m glad you’re my parents,” Alex responded. George stiffened and Alexander pulled out of the hug. What did he say? Oh. He called the Washingtons his parents. “I-I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable I–”

“Alex, no! God no,” George shook his head. Were they tears? Was George crying? “The opposite. I’m just- I’m so happy.”

“Oh.” Alex wasn’t sure what to do, seeing George cry so he settled on doing what George and Martha did to him when he was crying. He gave George another hug.

“What’s going on here?” Martha appeared, smiling fondly at both of the boys.

“I told George that I was glad you were my parents,” Alex told her. “And he started crying.”

“Your parents? Alex I–” and then Martha had tears in her eyes. “Thank you.” And she had joined their hug and Alex didn’t realise that his words would have such an impact on them.

“You’re a perfect son, Alex.”

Now _he_ was crying.

* * *

“How do I ask John out?” Alex leaned against the doorframe of George and Martha’s bedroom later that evening. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Give me your phone,” George grinned. “I’ll call him and tell him for you.”

“No!” Alex laughed. “I don’t want to scare him off!”

“I’ll do it then,” Martha said. “I won’t scare him.”

“Neither of you are calling to tell him anything!” Alex rolled his eyes. “I just- do I do it over text or in person? I know that you shouldn’t break up with someone over text but surely asking them out over text isn’t bad, right?”

“You can do it whatever way you want, Alex,” Martha shrugged. “You could call him and tell him or wait until you go back to school and tell him there–”

“I can’t do it at school!” Alex frowned. “The other kids they’ll- they’re mean and they’ll–”

“Okay. Okay, honey, you don’t have to do it at school, it’s alright,” Martha pulled him into a hug. “You could invite him over again?”

“I think I’m just going to call him,” Alex said. “Yeah. I’m gonna call him. A-and I’m gonna do it now because otherwise I’ll talk myself out of it and I don’t want to do that,” he forced himself to stop talking and took in a shaky breath. “I’m gonna do it now.”

He took his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. Scrolling through his contacts for John’s number he took another breath and tried to ignore the looks that Martha and George were giving each other across the room. Maybe he should have done it in his own room, but it was too late now.

“Hello?” John answered.

“John, I…” he trailed off, unsure of what to say. He glared at George who was mouthing ‘I love you, John’ mockingly from across the room. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. But I need to ask you something first,” John said. “Would Martha and George be okay with us dating?”

“Uh,” Why was John asking that? Did he have the same plan as Alex? “Yeah, my parents will be fine with it. More than fine actually.”

“Well, do you want to date then?” John asked. “I mean, that is if you like me. You don’t have to say yes if you don't want to, like, it’s not going to ruin our friendship or anything if you don’t want to–”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Alex cut John off. “So yes, I do.”

There was a faint cheer on the other end of the line and the John was mumbling something that Alex couldn’t quite hear.

“That was my sister,” John explained. “She’s really excited and I- I am too. Really excited.”

“I am as well,” Alex smiled. “Well, um, I’ve got to go to bed ‘cause it’s late and y’know,” he stopped talking when he saw George laughing silently. “Um, have a good night.” And then the hung up and George burst into a fit of laughter.

“What!?” Alex demanded. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. You two were just really cute,” George finally got himself under control. “Now, it’s past your bedtime so scram.”

Alex left Martha and George’s room to shower quickly and brush his teeth. Martha had to brush through his hair and tie it up for him and then he was in bed thinking about how lucky he was right now.

He had _parents_ who cared about him and a _boyfriend_ and wonderful friends.

Sure, people had crushed his spirit in the past and although it had been broken, it was now beginning to mend.

Alex fell asleep with a smile on his face and a fuzzy feeling in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN SO LONG I'M SO SORRY HAVE SOME FLUFF TO MAKE UP FOR IT
> 
> Also the whole alex calling the Washingtons his parents is inspired by the other day when I called my parents that for the first time and they both bawled and hugged me for a solid twenty minutes


	18. EIGHTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO EMOTIONAL

* * *

****Christmas had always been one of Alex’s favourite times of year. Especially when he was younger with both of his parents and his brother when they couldn’t afford much in the way of gifts, maybe a new set of clothes or and inexpensive toy, but they made up for it with their cheer and spending as much time together as possible. The food that his mama cooked around Christmas was always amazing, too.

School finishing for winter break was great. Alex had buckled down, studying hard and doing his best to keep out of trouble which he had managed to do much to George and Martha’s delight. Back in previous foster homes, Alex hated the school holidays. Staying home for weeks wasn’t fun, but that had changed now. Alex found himself looking forward to the break and to spending more time with George and Martha and his friends.

Hercules was the first one to have a sleepover, then Laf, then John and finally Alex. Martha helped them bake and decorate Christmas cookies that night, everyone played board games together and watched films until the early hours of the morning until they all practically collapsed with exhaustion.

One of Alex’s favourite times that year was Christmas shopping. He went two times, once with Martha and George to buy presents and cards for his friends and then once again with his friends to buy something for George and Martha (and the dogs too; he bought a lot of dog toys).

Hercules, Laf and John bought Alexander the first three Harry Potter books and also a couple of posters for his bedroom walls. Hercules got a couple of notebooks and new pencils from Alex to help with his fashion designing, Laf got a new phone case printed with the French flag and a new hoodie and John got a couple of turtle related items that Alex had found for him.

George and Martha’s family arrived on Christmas Eve. Their parents cooed over Alex who was slightly surprised that everyone seemed to like him. Meeting with the family of foster parents had never gone this well before and Alex didn’t really know what he was expecting but it wasn’t this.

Martha’s mother made the best hot chocolate as Alex and his friends discovered that night. Herc, Laf and John had been invited over for a couple of hours Christmas Eve night and other than the boys who had claimed the living room, most people were outside building snowmen or sat in the kitchen.

They sat watching Christmas movies and had more than three cups of it each before Martha stopped them from having anymore. But once Alex had retreated up to his room for the night, Martha’s mother snuck him up another cup and told him, with a fond smile, not to tell Martha because she had already had one lecture on how unhealthy it was.

(Alex promised, but Martha found the empty mug in his room two days later).

Christmas Morning arrived with much fanfare. Alex found himself trying not to fall asleep as he sat on the couch with a mug of coffee which took all of his self restraint not to drink in a couple of gulps. The youngest kids started first, having woken everybody up before it was even light outside. Alex was amazed at the amount of gifts he received; tons of books; bedding; notebooks; fine tipped pens; a lot of money from various members of George and Martha’s family and even a bookshelf that George said he would help Alex build for his room.

The Christmas dinner was massive. Alex could have sworn that the table was actually groaning under the weight of the food that had been placed on it. It had taken all day to prepare and most of the adults had been occupied with making it all day while Alex stayed in his room, starting on the pile of books he had acquired over the past two weeks. He hadn’t been as happy and content as he was in years.

But it was after dinner that the best part of the day happened. Filled to the brim with amazing food, everyone had taken to lounging around. Alex was lying on the sofa, his head leaning against the armrest as people talked amongst themselves over the gentle sound of the TV playing some Christmas movie that Alex was sure had been played only a couple of hours before.

He didn’t notice George and Martha enter holding a gift bag until they called his name and silence fell over the room as George held out the bag for Alex to take. All eyes were on Alex as he took the bag.

“We wanted to keep this one until last.” George said.

There was silence as Alex gently took out the tissue paper that had been stuffed over the top of the bag.

“It’s paper,” Alex commented as he reached it, taking out the paper for him to read. His eyes scanned the words and it took him a while to process what they said but once he had his head shot up and he gasped loudly, tears welling in his eyes. “You’ve adopted me! They’re official adoption papers!”

The subject of adoption had come up between them before but Alex would have never expected this. He belonged to someone now, something that he hadn’t really done since his mama died and he was just a kid lost in the system.

He set the papers on the couch and practically launched himself across the room into George and Martha’s arms, sobbing with joy. They held him tight as clapping filled the room.

Alex was a Washington for real now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been a ride, but I'm so glad that I gathered up the courage to actually post it and keep it going. 
> 
> I've gone on a massive journey whilst writing this fic. I got separated from my brothers, moved from placement to placement but now I'm adopted and so are all of my brothers and I have finally found my Washingtons.
> 
> I want to say thank you to all of you for reading this, for giving it kudos and for commenting and just for sticking around with my awful updating schedule.
> 
> Thank you to all of the friends that I have made along the way, especially Allie and Kay. I love you two so much ❤
> 
> From time to time there will probably be little oneshots that I'll post, so lookout for those (though I can't promise anything because we all know I'm awful at posting/updating).
> 
> Thank you so so much.
> 
> Persie ❤
> 
> Come scream with me about this on tumblr: alexander-ham1lton


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